Monday, October 16

Tatooed on My Mind

I can't study unless I don't have any feelings left so I have to pour everything out here.

For the past few days I have been so emotional about the volleyball team and stuff. But there have been somethings going on during the past few days that really made me want to cry the whole day.

Yeah I know not playing in the UAAP is depressing but there are still things far worse than that. Something went on a while ago that I tried to forget. When I arrived from the school, I heard that a friend of mine has found a "soulmate", I should say, during one of the events in the school. I don't know the name of that person, I haven't seen that person too. I'm so sad that my friend has forgotten everything that we went through. That friend of mine does not "remember" that I have feelings for her.

Its been weeks since we actually became very close to each other. We would text each other everyday and I would tell a lot of secrets about myself and about my crushes and stuff. We became closer and closer everyday. We would even sometimes hug when we walk and sometimes I would put my arms around her (:D) How sweet! I guess that's enough hints to tell her that I like her. But now, everything has changed. She kept on telling me how much she likes this guy she met and how sweet he is and stuff. She even asked me if she should call him and talk on the phone.

Well, in the first place, we aren't even "we". We are not together so why should I be so mad to her? I guess she sees me as a friend only. Probably, when relating to One Tree Hill, I'm Mouth.. just everybody's "Great Friend"... nothing more. It's so painful to think about it. I just feel so sad and it all happened so sudden. I didn't even have the guts to talk about what is going on between them because everytime that he gets mentioned, I just feel so sad and I just want to cry. The truth is, I really like her and she feels really special to me.

I guess everything has changed. Nothing will be the same again. I just feel so stupid. I told myself never to fall in love again and now this. This is what I get for being to ignorant and too common. I want to be different. I want our friendship to be different.

BUT HOW?! I'M JUST A "GREAT FRIEND" AND NOTHING MORE. I DON'T WANT THINGS TO END BUT I GUESS, ITS SOMETHING THAT HAS GOT TO BE DONE. BUT JUST TO SET THE RECORDS STRAIGHT, I STILL LOVE YOU...

Saturday, October 14

Everything Turned Out Well

Hay! Today has been the most exciting day of my whole volleyball career in high school. First, the prologue. We had the cluster night. We woke up at 5:30am in order for Juno, Gelo, Alfred to go to McDonald's in order to get ready for the game and me... going home early to sleep. When I went to our car, I was greeted with a, "Magbihis ka na" senario. I was wondering why? Then my dad told me that they allowed me to play in Don Bosco because it is the last game. So, I was thrilled and we all went to McDonald's. When we arrived, I immediately went to the big tables and slept. Then Tomie came and JB. Coach was surprisingly early. So, Neil arrived and we went to Don Bosco.

When we arrived (believe me! We were really early), we started playing rallies and stuff. Then 10minutes before the game, Don Bosco arrived. I really wanted to play since Tomie is the libero already. Then the news came... Ed isin't attending the game because he arrived late and he's sick or something. Who's going to be the setter? There is no one left. Then Neil told coach that I used to set during my Grade School days. So, he made me the setter. I was sooo pressured because this is my time to show what I can do.

Before the game started, we had a heart to heart talk as a team on what could be fixed, what do you suggest to improve our game then the comments of coach. My comments were half harsh and half encouraging. I took some mental notes:

1) Digging - I always jump when I dig. :( Really?! I try my best not to jump and it would be hard. The best comment I probably recieved was that I could really hustle for the ball. That's the only good comment I got.

2) Setting - Well, for short, he couldn't make me a setter because there are lots of setters in the team already. So long my setting days. :'(

3) Spiking - The worst comment I got about myself... he hated my approach. I'm really sorry but I'm used to this approach and it has worked for years already. The reason why I don't do well in my spikes is because I don't get to practice them anymore. I was always digging... no spiking.

Then he told us about the UAAP lineup this year. He began by listing the players that are sure to be in the lineup. Blah blah blah. Until only 2 spots remain and still more than 5 people haven't been called. Good luck! As if I would make the lineup after all the comments I had. So I said to myself, this is my last game and I would really do my best. I'm a setter for this game and its a good way to end my volleyball career in high school. That is probably the best way I imagined would happen. I really feel happy about my last game and here's what happened:

Game 7: Don Bosco def. Ateneo (3-0)
Pretty nice game. I had some errors in my sets because of the pressure and my last game but I managed to do an alright job. It was a close fight all sets making it to the 23-25 marks. Then I asked myself, "What would happen if Ed were here?" Without a doubt we would win the game. Neil played the game of his life because coach told me to set mostly at the open.

Game 8: Ateneo def. San Beda (3-0)
My last game in the high school ended out with a win. And most especially, a setter, something that I wanted to happen since I entered the team. We had good plays I must say. Now the pressure was off my back and I could set better than the last one. The important thing about that is that everyone scored. That's how distributed the points are. Even the libero was able to score. Thanks for an amazing season. I ended with a bang! Now, everything is over. PRADA is finished. I can focus on my studies already and have more time to have fun instead of practicing for UAAP which I know I won't be in.

Huwag na tayo maging pranka. I really want to play in the UAAP. But, if coach didn't see something in me, then his will be done. He's the one who we would follow. At least I was able to play a whole season. Its all over. I had fun while it lasted. I'll surely miss playing after dismissal. I'll miss the fouth year people because they won't be there next year. I'll miss the bonding moment with Gian. Now everything is over, I could say that I was able to show what I could do and I have no regrets in anything. Thanks you guys. I have to go. I'll attend the choir practice in a few minutes. I'm actually in Miriam. Using the internet here is so much fun. Its so fast! Anyways, I have to go now. Bye bye! Peace to all! I'll miss you guys!

Thursday, October 12

my position on the varsity volleyball team

Because of the busy sched recently, my site was on hiatus. But since I have time to make posts today, then why not? Ok. My post for today is my position in the varsity volleyball team.

I really don't know where I am at the moment. There are things that I wanted to do but I cannot because of my limited abilities. I really wanted to improve my setting skills; thats probably the reason why I joined the team. I really want to be a setter. Never have I thought about being the libero. Being the libero is both good and bad. Good in a sense that there are only 7 other players to face for the Best Libero award. But the other way around, I can only focus on one part of volleyball... digs. That's the only thing that I can do. I cannot set for the team even though I am so eager to do so and I cannot even serve which is my forte during my Grade School days. I feel so limited. I'm going nowhere. And I really hate it.

Now, I heard, that I won't be the libero for UAAP. Thank God? Well, partly yes and no. Yes because I don't have to suffer just receiving serves and spikes. No because I won't get that much minutes anymore. Because I was mostly practiced on my digging skills, I lost my setting and spiking skills. I really hate that. I can't spike a ball hard enough and how I liked it before. Now, its all a mess. Almost all my spikes are top spin ones that are easily received. I try to fix some things up like add some power but still, no effect. I LOST MY SPIKING ABILITIES! And its all because of letting me practice on my digging. That's the part I hate the most.

Not showing what I can really do = less minutes on the court = not improving at all

That has been my theory so far. And as the days continue, the more I feel that I should quit the team. I really can't take it. I feel so useless.

Concerning my grades... My grades affected me a lot so far in me joining the team. FYI, I haven't passed a single long test that was returned this term. So far so good in making it to the honor roll... not! Well, except for the Religion, Science and Filipino long tests, I haven't passed a single one. I know the long tests are easy.. believe me. When I saw the the errors, I said, "Sus, bakit ako nagkamali dito?" I feel that I already lost my chances in making it. The exams are a month away and I still haven't gotten the chance to recite for Religion, haven't passed most of the quizzes in AP, haven't got a good group in Filipino. I really hope that everything will go as I planned and be able to get at least a 3rd honor for my application in the college. But, volleyball has been affecting me very much. When I arrive from training, I go straight to bed and not study. I feel so sad about that.

My position in the team. After some reflection about how I act towards the team members, I feel that I have been too mayabang with my team mates. So what if you have some playing experience? You don't have to make fun of people who play for the first time. I just feel like everybody in the team is being "plastic" when I approach them. That's the reason why I was down last Tuesday. I feel that I have been too strong to my team mates. My side of the story.. I feel that I am too hard, I admit it. And its because that I expect much for the team. Not to be too mayabang or something, but, I never felt so hopeless about the team since now. Before, we were used to having straight victories against other schools. And when we were in the finals, we were not that nervous because we knew that we could really take this. But, this team is a lot different. I don't know if its the coach or something, but I feel that the thing that the team lacks is the BASICS. For me, I expect my team mates to know the basics already, that's why they made it through the team, right? But, that isin't the case. There are still improvements that had to be done because of not knowing the basics. Puro plays nga, pero walang saysay din dahil puro errors because of not knowing the basics. Some basic stuff like the service. We're high school already. We must at least know how to serve. Hindi na bale kung may paekek pa kung mag-eeror din naman yung serve. Another thing is the plays. Last time, we had no plays during the season. We didn't have to do plays like the kwatro or dos plays anymore. Open shots are alright basta't in, why not? But coach went straight to making plays like A,B,C,etc. The secret to the team's success before was not because of Banjo. It was because we knew the basics. And that's why I have been soo mad about some team mates who don't know the basics. Even though your excuse is that you are new to volleyball...

There are NO excuses in volleyball. You joined the team because you know that you can represent the team as one of the better players in the school. But what happens is that, there are trainings but some don't attend. How can you improve if you don't attend practices? Some even don't improve even though they do the same mistakes. You know you made a mistake, then make some adjustments. But what some, even myself, do nothing to improve. That's why I have been acting that way towards the simplest things..

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?! I DIDN'T EVEN PASS THE FIRST SCREENING. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS. THIS IS MINE. DO YOU AGREE OR NOT? MAYBE NOT FULLY BUT AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT.

Comment in multiply or tag in my blogspot. Be right back. I'm gonna make a new post for the cluster night.