Where were you when I needed you the most?

My First TnT (Training) Experience. Part 1

2009-07-10T20:16:00.000+08:00

From my Facebook account. Posting here in multiply para may mapost naman ako. :P

At dahil hindi napansin ni Ate Patty na nagtaas ako ng kamay nung sharing, dito na lang ako magsusulat kung ano dapat sasabihin ko.

SO ANYWAY. This is the first part of 4 blogs about my TnT/OrSem experience. Pagpasensyahan niyo na. I have a lot to say. :))

Naalala ko yun. First interviews. Sabi ni ate Luzy, kunwari may power daw ako magstop ng rain gamit ng aking boses. So yun ginawa ko. True enough, after ko magsasasayaw at kanta ng INSOMNIA habang hawak ko yung ATENEO finger foams, tumigil ang ulan. Humirit pa ako, "dapat plus points yan dahil ako talaga nagpatigil ng ulan."

Second interviews came and I was SUPER DUPER NERVOUS. Todo inaral ko yung OrSem manual ko. As in binagsak ko pa yung isang quiz ko para lang mag-aral para sa interviews. Oo, pinagtatawanan niyo na ako dahil pinagpalit ko ang studies ko for TnT pero who cares? Nawaley lahat ng inaral ko dahil WALA SA MANUAL ANG MGA TINANONG SA AKIN. :| Fail talaga.

After ng 2nd interviews, sinabi ko na kay Erick. Sobrang hopeless na ako dahil mukhang hindi talaga ako makakapasa. Pero sabi niya, magtiwala lang daw ako. So yun ginawa ko. Nalaman ko na lang na tinext ako ni Erick at sinabi niyang pumasa ako. SO YEHEY.

Nagstart na ang training and sobrang nervous ako. MY GOD WALA AKONG KILALA DAHIL NAGBACKOUT MGA BLOCKMATES KO. Kasabay ko dumating si Suba at tumakbo kami from MVP Roofdeck hanggang CTC105 in 5 mins. HAHA Di namin kasi nabasa na nalipat na ang venue ng training. Akala pa naman namin na sobrang aga namin dahil walang tao sa roofdeck nun. HAHA.

Pagpasok ko, wala talaga akong kilala. Eh kasi ganito yun, may initiation kasi si Suba bilang Divette ko kailangan niyang sumama sa mga Divas. So naiwan ako. Wala naman si Frances nung day 1 so :| talaga. Buti na lang nakita ko si Bob (Jamika) dun. Kaklase ko kasi nung Chinese class si Bob so ayon. Pinakilala pa niya ako sa friends niya. Si Ate Robee and Ate Chelsea. Sila mga first friends ko sa TnT. As in nakikidikit lang ako sa kanila most ng training.

Anyway, hindi ako magbibigay ng details para hindi ma-spoil ang mga magt-TnT next year. Grabe talaga ang training. May halong kaba at tuwa sa bawat ginagawa para dun. Pero fun kasi you get to meet a lot of new people. AS IN A LOT TALAGA. Kinukulit ko nga sila Bob kung ano gagawin natin next kasi sobrang kabado ako at biglang baka kung ano na mangyari sa amin noh. HAHA. Paranoid much? :P

Partnering GA na. At first, I was hoping na sana MIS block yung mapunta sa akin kasi MIS ako. Tapos nung narealize ko maraming TnT ang nag-iisa, pinangarap ko na lang na basta may partner ako masaya na ako. Tapos nasa Block L na sila, hindi na ako nakikinig. As in iniisip ko nang MIS block na dahil malapit na sa S. Palapit na nang palapit sa S ang block na sinasabi. O, O1, O2, O3... hindi ako nakikinig. Bilang narinig ko lang name ko, "Ryan Sordan". Sabi ko, "Ako yun ha!" Okay tumayo lang ako and went sa likod. Tapos may tumabi sa aking matangkad na dambuhalang babae -- partner ko pala siya. HAHAHA (Joke lang, Jess). Anyway, pareho kaming clueless kung anong block kami. Basta ang narinig ko lang yung 4. Di ko narinig yung letter. Gusto ni Jess yung P. Pinagpipilitan talaga niya na P4 yung sinabi kasi Management daw yun (and maraming gwapo daw sa Management). Eh ako di ko talaga alam. Tapos lumapit siya kay someone tas ayon nga, "O4" yung napunta sa amin. We were like... Okay kaya to. Let's do this! Cute naman ang O4. Parang 2004 lang. HAHA WALEY.

So after nun, lalo kaming naging close ni Jess. As in halos buong time sa 2nd and 3rd training day, magkasama kami. Talagang pinaninindigan namin ang pagiging partners. HAHA. (Sa next blog ko na lang ang mga stuff about you).

Anyway, so Day 2 and 3 came. Unti-unti na akong nagkaka-friends. Sila Jebby, Rage, Jess, and some others na narerecognize ko dahil naging kaklase ko sila dati and mga AHS people. Tapos kapag ginugroup na kami sa block orders, nakilala ko sila Carlo A., Lin, Camille, Dar H., Margaux, and iba pang mga groupmates ko. Sobrang naging friends kaming mga TnT ng LM. HAHA.

TnT training ended and lalo lang kaming naging excited ni Jess. We got to meet our super game and super fun Logs (Patty and Dom). At ang maganda dun, they're really game for anything and they know their log stuff.

As a newbie, sobrang dami kong natutunan. As in, hindi lang about the freshies, Ateneo, and shiz. Marami rin ako natutunan about myself and my capacity to do the TnT stuff (may ganon?!) HAHA. Sobrang dami kong narealize nung TnT training. And kahit hindi ako masyadong nagpaparticipate sa mga sharing and stuff, sobrang daming pumupunta sa isip ko. Marahil pinagbigyan ako ng TnT core kahit wawaley-waley ako nung auditions, kaya I'm just making the most with this experience. Nashare ko naman lahat nung individual sharing with Ate Luzy sa training kaya medyo wala na akong mashare na iba. Sobrang thankful ako sa mga taong nakilala ko. Sa mga friends na nameet ko. Sa mga taong nakatawanan at nakakulitan ko. Sobrang thank you TnTs for welcoming us newbies in this new experience. Nosebleed much.

OKAY. MASYADO NANG MAHABA TO. Part 2 (My OrSem experience) na next time. Kapag may time ako. :| HAHA. GOODLUCK SA PAGBABASA! :P Shet. Tag limit reached :| Di ko na-tag lahat ng TnTs :( Oh well. :|

Motivation

2009-06-03T09:23:00.001+08:00

Today is the START of the RISE of Ryan.

WALA LANG. :)) Motivated myself because of my Summer09 grades. :)

25December06

2009-06-01T09:42:00.000+08:00

You were my best friend, my partner in crime..but you cared about him more than me. A new school, a new best friend, and a couple years later..and you still have some crazy effect on me..sometimes I wish we could talk how we used to.. I kinda miss you..

SUPER SORRY!

2009-05-29T16:14:00.000+08:00

OMG. If you're reading this, you probably noticed my stupidity in Multiply. Kaya hindi na ako nagmumultiply eh. GRR.

Anyway, to all my contacts...

I'M SO SORRY!

Kasi ganito yun, before dinner, I connected my Multiply with my Blogger account. Eh kasi gusto ko, kapag magpost ako sa Multiply, it will go straight to Blogger. Which is what I did a few years ago. Pero nung may pop-up na Import All Posts to Multiply, nag Cancel ako. :|

So knowing na harmless ang lahat, nagdinner na ako. Enjoy pa ako sa dinner ko eh. Pero nung pagbalik ko, ang dami nang nagmessage sa akin sinasabi na nagflood daw ako ng Multiply. The End. :|

ANYWAY, I'm so so so so sorry! Just click the X button sa bawat posts ko. Dears, hindi niyo na mababasa yung blogs kasi naka-for individuals na lang siya. Eventually, idedelete ko siya. SAD. Basta yun lang. SORRY TALAGA! Hindi na mauulit.

PEACE!

I Wish I Never Met You.

2007-06-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

This is a blog post in my blogger: http://ry10.blogspot.com

I really wish I never met you. I tried so hard go bring back our old friendship but everything is falling back to pieces. I tried to strike up a conversation with you but it seems that you are always occupied with something or someone. Why am I doing this to myself? I have sacrificed for the longest time to save whatever is left for our friendship and nothing. There's no new developments. The only thing is that we are going farther and farther apart everytime we talk to each other.

Before, we would usually have a fun time talking about nonsense. We would have to text each other after talking online. We would go to bed at around 2AM. By that time one of us has already fallen asleep. And when we wake up for school, we would usually text each other and tease some of my teachers about the way they act, teach, and those kinds of stuff.

Now, its so different. Rarely would you see this person online. Maybe hiding from me? Stealth mode perhaps?

When I talk to you, i have to ask a question just to keep the conversation going. It seems like there's this wall up that has been keeping you from sharing things about me. Its like I'm not a friend that you used to talk to before. Its like I'm not someone who shared to you my entire life. You tried to help me out of my problems and now, you have no reaction when I share them. You would give me advice about this person and now, its like, nothing.

And then I ask myself.. WHY? Why would I let myself be hurt from you and just accept the pain you give to me. Why am I so desperate to be your friend and wanted to bring back our friendship. Why do I always want you to help me and be the model that I needed? Why would I go trough pain and suffering just for us to be friends? Why would I rather let go of my past relationship rather than leaving you who was once in my life my best friend? Why would I continue to wear this mask and think that you still would want to be my friend? Why would I avoid myself from the reality that you broke your promise? Why? Why? Why?

The answer is simple... it is because you were one of the few persons who made me feel complete. You were one of the few persons who made me TRULY happy. You were a missing piece in my puzzle. And now that piece is missing again, I WILL NEVER BE COMPLETE. I wish that I never met you, to begin with. At least I would continue thinking that it is not possible to complete the puzzle and not think that there is a chance to find the missing piece of the puzzle....

Am I Ready For This?

2007-05-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

This is a cross post. blogger to multiply.

Review classes are over and I can be free again. My mom just lifted the Computer Ban but there's still a limit with the number of hours that I could use the computer. I really must be asleep right now but I have to get this out of my chest. Everyday I just ponder over this thing and I am having a hard time to keep it to myself.

Lately, I have been having these feelings for someone I know. And I've been pretty much been showing it when we are together and when we go out and stuff. I met her just recently. Just this month, I first saw her and we have been talking ever since then. We became really good friends. We became really close. Usually, people see us side-by-side. Yes, I have a crush on her but I'm just feeling scared.

After what happened in my last relationship, I'm really having second thoughts in going through another relationship over again. Let's just say that I'm not ready yet because I really felt the pain in that break-up. Being the rebound person in my ex's life, I am still confused in what I choose to do. Because before our relationship (my ex), she just broke up with someone and she probably just used me to make herself so happy again. So its like she just made herself happy in telling me how much she loves me etc etc and when she finally has moved on with her relationship, the one before ours, she left. I really don't want to feel hurt because of a relationship again.

When going to Juno's house after the Eastwood gimmick, Mico Suba told me, "Ui, wag mo naman sana siyang gawing rebound girl mo, ah." Then I thought to myself, am I ready for another relationship? To go through everything that I went through for the fourth time? I'm still having some thoughts about it and after what Mico said, that's the only time that it sinked in.

I am not yet ready to hurt her. I don't want her to feel sad. I'm so scared that there will be a time where I will realize that, "Oo nga pala, rebound girl ko nga lang pala siya." I really hope that won't happen. Because she is really so close to me. After what she's going through, I can't stand her doing something that I don't like when I hurt her. I'm scared about a lot of things. What happens if things don't work out well? I really don't want her to feel sad and depressed. Natatakot lang ako kung ano mangyari sa kanya kapag may masamang nangyari sa friendship namin. I'm so confused right now. I didn't bother to talk to her today because I'm pondering on a lot of things between us.

If ever something happens between the two of us, I'll assure you that I won't treat you as the "rebound-girl". I promise you that I'll try my best to make you happy; and you really know how sincere I am when it comes to promises. Yes, I like you but do you? And if ever you do too, do you think that there will be anything between us? I'm scared of hurting you. I really don't want to see you cry and sad again.

If nothing happens, I hope and pray to God that you stay really calm and don't do the stupid things that you did before. Because I am so confused right now. Will I continue what is happening between the two of us or not? Am I already ready to finally forget about my past relationship and start a new one with you? Right now, I'm torn. I really don't know what to choose. I like you but I don't know if you like me too. I'm scared that when something "more" happens between the two of us, I just might hurt you. I'm scared that when something bad happens, you would do something that I would regret for the rest of you life. These are just some of the things that are going through my mind right now.

If anyone could just give me an advice to put me in the right path, please do. I really am confused right now. Especially to my friends who knows what's happening in my life, please, I want to hear your voice. Tell me something that would make a decision. Anything. Please.

Reliving the Past

2007-05-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

Its been quite some time since I posted in this blog. http://ry10.blogspot.com has been my blog ever since last year. I actually had a previous blogger account that is already deleted and as far as I can remember, the 1st post that I made was on March 10, 2004. But before that, I also had a Xanga account. And that was way way back in middle school. I think that the first post I ever made in my whole life was in 1998. But all those memories are lost already since they are deleted because I haven't been updating it. But to think that for all those years, I have been saying what I want to say for almost 10 years. And just a while ago, I was thinking about the past and reading some past posts that I made. [I really miss blogging in straight english. In my multiply account: http://rqsordan.multiply.com, I never really spoke in straight english.]

So I have been reading a lot of past blogs and I saw how happy I was with the company of my friends. I've been with this person who broke up with me and ever since, I cry each night thinking of that dreadful day when we last said our, "i love you"s. But I never really realized how happy I was with my friends. How much they were my shoulder to cry on. Especially the friends that I made in the choir who really became close to my heart.

I trusted a friend of mine, some guy from Xavier, Julio Datu, and he really has been the ears in my stories. I have shared a lot about my life and he listens really well while cracking up a joke here and there to really lighten the mood a lot. I also, in return, am [hopefully] a good friend to him. He has shared a lot of secrets about his life. Just like one time during the outing, he told me a secret that only I knew. So I feel really trusted and I think that I can really trust him with everything. Julio is one of those guys when you first see him, you would think that he's just a funny person. But when you really get to know this guy, he is sensitive and nice. So I really am thankful for having a Julio to be the person to absorb all my feelings.

My choir friends are really the best. Jeff, Jerwin, Ian, Reuel, Kevin, Momon, Joseph just to name a few. Everytime I'm in the choir, I really become happy. And once I'm with my choirmates, I just feel so happy. With the company of my BFFs, Lala and Pat, I really am so happy with their company. Sobrang tuwa ko na hindi pa sila mawawala sa buhay ko. And habang nandito pa ang Ave Maria Youth Choir.

And so, I am so happy to know that at least there are people who care for me other than that person who left me for someone else. I have friends to listen when I'm sad. I have friends when I needed someone to stay beside me. I have these blessed people to care for me during times of trouble. And I really thank the Lord for having you guys as my friends. I guess, the past really brings you something. Because of it, I realized how much my friends played a part in my life and how thankful I am to have someone else who loves me soooo much.

How to Lose A Friend

2007-02-10T15:20:00.000+08:00

Stage 1 > Befriending
In order to lose a friend, you have to gain one first. Be sure to be close to him/her. Make sure that you become really close with this person. Share some experiences in your life. Always lend an ear when he/she wants to say something.

Nadaan ko na ito. Maraming beses na. Probably ito na siguro ang pinakawalang emosyon na gawain. Kailangan mo lang talaga kausapin siya. Gain his/her trust. Ngayon, nagawa ko iyon sa isang tao. Sobrang laki ng tiwala ko sa kanya at siguro malaki ang tiwala niya sa akin dati. Palagi kami nag-uusap noon. Puro kamustahan at lahat na. Ilang beses na rin akong napaiyak dahil sa sobrang kabaitan niya. Araw-araw kahit sa school, siya kausap ko. Kahit through text man lang basta makausap ko siya, kumpleto na araw ko.

Stage 2 > Say something weird that he/she won’t forget.
Now here comes the twist in your whole friendship. Once you get to the trust of each other, say something that will bother him/her for the rest of your life. Like a simple, “I love you” or “Crush kita” or anything that will really make him/her feel insecure about your friendship.

Nagawa ko na ito, matagal na in some different times. Yung first ever was noong grade 7 pa. Nangyari ulit ito recently. Hmm.. Exact date ba? February 5, 2007. I still have the text as proof. Basta ayun. Nagmukha siyang ewan. Pero kasi naman, siya yung nagbring up nung topic. Lokohan lang niyang tinanong sa akin, “Mahal mo ba ako? Aminin mo na kasi.” Ako rin naman, lokohan ko rin sinabi iyon. Tapos the rest was history na. Akala ko nga hindi ko siya napa-weird eh! Kasi parang napaamin pa siya. Pero hindi pala.

Stage 3 > Excuses
If weirding him/her out worked, then this is where the space starts. Before you know it, you will find yourself drifting apart. Get ready to feel a lot of emotions run through your body. The things that you usually do together will slowly be changed.

Ayan na. Pakaunti kaunti na siyang lumalayo sa iyo. Siya na mismong lalayo sa iyo. Gagawa siya ng excuses na hindi na kayo madalas makakatext dahil sa ganito and stuff. Mga excuses. Hindi kayo makakapagkita dahil sa ganyan ganyan. Hindi puwede and stuff. Basta marami pang iba. Mga palusot. Tapos bihira na lang kayo maging masaya magkasama. Puro away na lang siguro. Tapos kunwaring magkakabati kayo pero hindi rin pala honest ang pagkasabi ng peace na.

Stage 4 > No communication
Slowly and surely this friend will take you out of his/her life. Don’t be shocked if he/her starts to put you in stealth mode in your yahoo messenger. Then he/she deletes you from his/her friends in friendster. Then he/she stops replying to you or maybe sometimes that person replies so that you won’t find out. But sometimes, he/she stops from replying. And it with that. You have succeeded.

Ito na ang huling stage… ang pamamaalam. Ngayon, unti-unti ko nang nararanasan ito. Minsan, nahuhuli ko siyang naka-stealth mode sa akin. Tapos kapag nagtetext ako, sinasabi niyang inaantok na siya kaya hindi kami makakapag-usap. Basta pakaunti na rin iyan mangyayari. Buhay talaga. Paikot-ikot lang ang buhay kaya ngayon, nasasanay na ako sa mga stages na ito. Hindi nga lang definite kung sino ang nabibiktima sa how to lose a friend stages ko. Kaya ayon.

Iniisip ko lang ang nangyayari sa amin ngayon. Naguguluhan na ako kung totoo ang sinasabi niya na, “hindi niya ako iiwanan.” Pero bakit ko ito nararamdaman? Kasi palaging ako na lang ang gumagawa ng paraan. Tapos lahat pa ng paraan, tinatanggi niya. Kapag mag-imbita akong kumain sa labas, sinasabi niyang kailangan na niyang umuwi kaagad o di kaya ay hindi siya makaalis ng bahay. Naiintindihan ko naman ang kanyang rason pero bakit ngayon lang ito kung kailan marami na nangyari sa amin? Dati naman siya pa ang nag-aaya. Tapos kapag ako naman nagiimbita, pumapayag na lang siya.

Mas gusto ko talaga ang dati. Kung kailan sobrang magkakaibigan pa kami. Alam ko naman na hindi na talaga mangyayari ulit iyon. Hindi na kami makakapagtextan madalas dahil mataas na nga ang bill niya. Tapos hindi pa kami makapag-usap nang masinsinan sa chat dahil sa dami ng ginagawa niya. Hindi ako bitter at hindi ako nagsasabing ako na lamang. Ayokong bumalik sa away na iyon. Gusto ko lang maranasan na bigyan ako ng panahon. Kahit isang saglit lang. Parang noong huli tayong nagkita. Masayang usapan. Pampakalma lang sa akin. Isang panahon lang kung saan makapag-ayos, makapaglabas ng damdamin at lahat lahat na. Give me one chance. Pero I guess hindi na mangyayari iyon dahil unti-unti na siyang lumalayo. Kahit sinasabi niyang hindi siya lumalayo, sa akin, palayo siya nang palayo.

Pansinin mo naman ang effort na binibigay ko para maayos ang problema sa ating pagkakaibigan. Dahil sobrang nag-iba na ang pakikitungo natin sa isa’t isa. Ako na lang palaging nagtetext. Tapos minsan, hindi ka na nakakareply. Iniintay kita matapos para sabay na tayong mag-offline. Ayoko tayong mag-away tungkol dito pero sana malaman mo lang ang saloobin ko. Hindi ko kasi masabi sa iyo kasi sobrang hirap. Natatakot akong mag-away tayo at ayokong mawala ka. Ito ang side ko. Kaya kung may gusto kang sabihin kahit ano, kung away man yan, tatanggapin ko na lang. Basta ang importante lang sa akin ay nakapagsabi na ako sayo ng aking saloobin. Eh ikaw? Ano ang aksiyong iyong gagawin? Ano reaction? Nasa iyo na ang kapangyarihan. Gamitin mo nang mabuti. Kung gusto mo ako kausapin, isang IM o text lang ako.

Akala ko lang...

2007-01-09T17:27:00.000+08:00

Akala ko, masaya ang 235...

Akala ko, hindi ko malilimutan ang 235...

Akala ko, marami akong naitulong sa exec comm..

Akala ko, mapapansin ang paghihirap ko for exec...

Akala ko, sapat na ang ginawa ko para masulat sa staffers board...

Akala ko, after what happened sa 234, mapapansin na rin ako...

Kaya maraming namamatay sa MALING AKALA eh!

Ang sa akin lang:
Gusto ko lang malaman kung marami lang talaga akong ginawa sa 235. Sub-head nga ako, nagulat ako noon. Palagi kong inisip na marami na kong ginawa for 235. Wala man ako sa registration, nandun naman ako sa pag-aayos ng envelopes, sa pagsunog ng palancas, sa pag-aayos ng p-night, at marami pang iba. Pero, wala rin pala yun kapag ihambing mo sa kilalang taong nag-staff lang noong Sunday at ang pangalan pa niya ang nasa staffer's board. Wala nang paligoy ligoy pa.. OO! Gusto ko makita pangalan ko sa Staffer's board para malaman ko na marami akong naitulong sa exec. Hindi siya dahil gusto kong sumikat or something, dito ko nakikita kung yung mga ginagawa ko ay sapat na lalo na subhead ako na nag-eexpect na marami akong itutulong. But I guess, hindi pa pala. Daig pa ko ng sunday staffer! Yun talaga yung sobrang nagpa-inis sa akin eh. Dahil doon sa Sunday Staffer na iyon, naisip kong magwala na. Ayos lang sa akin siguro kung wala pangalan ko na magsasabi sa akin na tumulong pa pero yung pangalan ng sunday staffer na iyon ang nagpakita sa akin na magagawa mo ang kahit anong gustuhin mo basta't sikat ka.

Ngayon, nafefeel ko naman na makikita ko na ang pangalan ko sa staffer's board dahil nagwala ako sa exec. PERO AYOKO IYON MANGYARI! Mas gugustuhin ko pa na huwag makita pangalan ko kaysa ilagay ang pangalan ko dahil "baka magwala ako ulit". Ayoko makita pangalan ko out of desperation at parang pinilitan lang silang isulat. Gusto ko malagay sa board kapag talagang karapat dapat akong nandoon. Gusto ko, nandun ako dahil marami ako talagang naitulong sa exec at dahil sa iniisip na maba magalit ulit ako na wala ako. Ang pangit naman sabihin nun.. nasa board ka dahil pinilit at hindi dahil sa kontribusyon mo sa commitee.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin na ang lahat ng pinaghihirapan mo ay hindi rin napapansin ng tao. Gawa ka nga ng gawa, wala rin pa lang nangyayari... so nag-aaksaya ka lang ng panahon. Siguro, sa 236, hindi na muna ako magsastaff. Ayoko na muna. Pagkatapos nitong ginawa ko, hindi ko na ata nagugustuhang pumunta sa days ulit. Marahil, tama ang mga magulang ko, "Days ka nang days pero wala ka rin naman napupulot dian!" Parang feel ko, tama sila. Pero masama ngang isipin iyon. 235 was really one of the most memorable batches na na-staff ko at AKALA kong sobrang saya ng batch na ito, ngunit isa pala sa pinakamalungkot. Congratulations na lang to the 235 people at KP and Eddan! At sa mga susunod na magrerectors. At para sa aking mga inaanak na si Frank 235 at Lau 235... Tiwala lang...

Ayoko muna magstaff.. Baka lumipat na lang din ako ng commitee after this.. :( nakakalungkot kasi loyal ako sa exec at hindi ko ito inasahan. Pero, oh well... Hindi lahat ng kagustuhan ay nasusunod lalo na kung kilala ka ng mga tao... Please... walang aasar sa akin nito.. Shineshare ko lang saloobin ko...

New Layout!

2006-12-26T12:33:00.000+08:00

Hey guys!!! Finally, I finished my 7th layout for my multiply. This time, the theme is "Remembering 2006" Since new year is just around the corner, I want to think about the things that went on in my life this year. The happy and sad thoughts that I went through and all that. My triumphs and trials. Which made me the person that I am today! :D Of course this will not be possible without the people that played a part in my life throught the past year. And some of them are the people you see above. I hope you guys like this layout. I did it all by myself and it turned out fine. Comments are allowed as usual! And of course, my site is already for contacts only so those comments will kept within my network only. Oki?! See yah guys!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! :D

A Tragic Tale of Two [Lovers]

2006-12-03T14:18:00.000+08:00

This is a poem that was unfinished two years ago after a friend of mine left to the states. But now, I felt that now is the perfect time to finish the story of a broken heart that was never mended forever. What happened in the end? Something that every broken-hearted person does; try to move on in a world full of tragic tales and misery. A Tragic Tale of Two Lovers is a poem I made for a friend two years ago. This time, I feel the exact same way but the difference is that Lovers isin't quite the perfect word in our friendship.

"A Tragic Tale of Two Lovers"
by Rye Sordan

A short winter breeze,
Pushes grey clouds on by,
Shadowing the reluctant light,
In the black and solitary sky.

There's safety only from,
The halogen lights a-glow,
As I sit I wonder all again,
Where did the happiness go?

I gave you everything I had,
And loved you even more,
But I'll never forget that lonely day,
When you closed the door.

The winter sky, full of gloom,
In the chilling night,
The moon exposed, no glow arrives,
I'll fly in the halogen light...

See I haven't slept at all, my love,
And I'm doing three a day,
The walls may move, I may get scared,
But it numbs the pain away.

I'll weep and cry, oh yes I'll cry,
And I'll scream for you in vain,
I guess I'll be alright one day,
When I'm over all the pain.

When the night is gone, my mask appears,
And I'm "me" once again,
But when the night returns I'm on my own,
'Cause you'll never want to be my friend.

I know you don't feel anything for me. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You have your own life. Make someone else the happiest person in the world, just like you made me. I don't want you to be my friend if it will be a burden on your personality. Whatever makes you happy.

ONE

2006-11-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

There are lots of ONEs in my life today... and I really don't know why.

1) Today was my 1st day to buy a gift for Christmas. And to whom is that gift for? That's a secret.

1.5) I only bought 1 gift!

2) Today, only 1 level was increased in my o2jam player.

3) It was my 1st time to go out to the mall this 3rd term.

4) I shared 1 secret to a friend.

5) I cried ONCE today.

6) I did 1 video presentation.

7) I downloaded 1 movie (Zathura).

8) I bought my 1st ever "Yabang Pinoy" bracelet.

9) I got 1 sticker from Starbucks (only 7 to go).

10) Its officially 1 year since I joined the choir (actually 1 year and 3 days. November 27 to be exact.)

and 10) I only thought about ONE person the whole day... and that was........

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I want to know the truth. I want to know you deepest feelings. I already poured everything out of me; my friends, my family, my lovelife, my secrets. And what do I have? NOTHING. I just want to know who that person really is. I want to know you. I told you that I like you. But is that it? Just leave it there like nothing even happened. I feel hurt that this "stage-play" between you and me is happening. I don't want to end up wherein the girl leaves the boy alone and the boy kills himself in desperation. I don't want that. I think of you each night. I cried over you for the longest time. I really don't know what I am feeling right now. I even don't know who I really like. I just feel confused. I like you perhaps. But is there anything else?

I know you can't talk about that right now. I understand your decision. I just want to know the truth. I want to know who that special person is. I know that there's this some other guy and I know that you like him more than anyone else. But I really don't know if that's the case. Maybe there's been a change of heart? Maybe not. I just want to be sure with everything. I don't know if I could live thinking each day who you really like. I can't cry every night thinking about you.

I told you last night that I will take care of you and I will not allow you to feel sad about anything, remember? I am always here thinking that you are fine and happy with what's going on with your life. I'll protect you and never make you cry. I'll always be here beside you. I don't want to see you cry and I'll make sure that you don't cry.

Gracias tanto, yo le veré pronto. Te amo.

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

2006-11-19T00:00:00.001+08:00

Sorry. Right now, I really don't know what I'm feeling. I don't even know what I am saying sorry about. I don't know what I did. But there's just a part of me that has made someone really sad. I got to talk to her a while ago and she seemed kinda troubled about something. She sounds soo depressed about something. I don't know if whatever thing that made her sad is related to me or whatever.

I have read some letters that some friends give me and I feel so sad to hear some things about myself that I just realized is actually true. I don't want any of my friends to feel those kinds of things. Someone feels like he feels like I don't want to be his friend. Someone feels I'm being too pushy to myself. Someone feels like I am not contented with what I have. Someone feels that I don't think about some people that are actually helping me in some stuff. And all of those things are not true. I may not show it to you guys but I am actually show those emotions when I'm alone. A deep dark secret that nobody knows that I told during my "days" experience is that I'm an introvert. I want to be alone. And why shouldn't I be alone? I lived alone for 16 years. I have no siblings. My parents are always out with their work. I am left alone.

I know that that is a wrong thought about my life. But its the truth. I am appreciative that my parents work very hard eveyday just to bring food to the table. I am really thankful for those. But living in a life of loneliness is really hard to forget. I know I have my cousins, friends, team mates, choirmates, and everyone else but still, something makes me a little sad.. sad of being alone. Yes, I have loved and lost but to love again is hard. I hate to loose another friend. I hate not having friends. I may be an introvert but I can't live without the support of my friends and family.

So, may I say this to everyone I know, "SORRY!" for whatever hurt I may have caused you; may it be physically or mentally. I'm really sorry. I have a strong personality, I know that. But you should konw that I still am thankful that you guys are my friends.

And especially to that certain someone. I'm really sorry. I know your trying your best to mend my friendship with a friend. And I really appreciate the gesture. Thank you very much for being thoughtful and caring. I really wanted to say SORRY to you because you have been my inspiration for a very long time and then this happens. My status messages that you constantly bug me to whom I was pertaining to... I really meant those things. Those were really meant for you. I know you don't feel the same way too but, who knows? Things may change its course? But still, whoever you choose, I support your decision 110%! I know your relationship with a friend of mine is affected when we fought.. I'm sorry for that. You are such a great person and I would not let anyone hurt you, even myself. I don't want to see you sad or mad about something. I just want to see you smile.

I'll be you friend, best friend, kuya, chat mate, choir mate, phone pal, text mate, shoulder to cry on, and everything else just for you to know how much you mean to me and how much you make me happy. And to all my friends that I have hurt for the past years, I'm sorry. Sorry may be the hardest word, but forgiving is the most challenging gesture. I hope you guys forgive me. I love you all! And I thank you to be part of my life! Especially to *someone* who found the missing piece in the puzzle of my life. I love all of you!

Tatooed on My Mind

2006-10-16T19:11:00.000+08:00

I can't study unless I don't have any feelings left so I have to pour everything out here.

For the past few days I have been so emotional about the volleyball team and stuff. But there have been somethings going on during the past few days that really made me want to cry the whole day.

Yeah I know not playing in the UAAP is depressing but there are still things far worse than that. Something went on a while ago that I tried to forget. When I arrived from the school, I heard that a friend of mine has found a "soulmate", I should say, during one of the events in the school. I don't know the name of that person, I haven't seen that person too. I'm so sad that my friend has forgotten everything that we went through. That friend of mine does not "remember" that I have feelings for her.

Its been weeks since we actually became very close to each other. We would text each other everyday and I would tell a lot of secrets about myself and about my crushes and stuff. We became closer and closer everyday. We would even sometimes hug when we walk and sometimes I would put my arms around her (:D) How sweet! I guess that's enough hints to tell her that I like her. But now, everything has changed. She kept on telling me how much she likes this guy she met and how sweet he is and stuff. She even asked me if she should call him and talk on the phone.

Well, in the first place, we aren't even "we". We are not together so why should I be so mad to her? I guess she sees me as a friend only. Probably, when relating to One Tree Hill, I'm Mouth.. just everybody's "Great Friend"... nothing more. It's so painful to think about it. I just feel so sad and it all happened so sudden. I didn't even have the guts to talk about what is going on between them because everytime that he gets mentioned, I just feel so sad and I just want to cry. The truth is, I really like her and she feels really special to me.

I guess everything has changed. Nothing will be the same again. I just feel so stupid. I told myself never to fall in love again and now this. This is what I get for being to ignorant and too common. I want to be different. I want our friendship to be different.

BUT HOW?! I'M JUST A "GREAT FRIEND" AND NOTHING MORE. I DON'T WANT THINGS TO END BUT I GUESS, ITS SOMETHING THAT HAS GOT TO BE DONE. BUT JUST TO SET THE RECORDS STRAIGHT, I STILL LOVE YOU...

Everything Turned Out Well

2006-10-14T12:26:00.000+08:00

Hay! Today has been the most exciting day of my whole volleyball career in high school. First, the prologue. We had the cluster night. We woke up at 5:30am in order for Juno, Gelo, Alfred to go to McDonald's in order to get ready for the game and me... going home early to sleep. When I went to our car, I was greeted with a, "Magbihis ka na" senario. I was wondering why? Then my dad told me that they allowed me to play in Don Bosco because it is the last game. So, I was thrilled and we all went to McDonald's. When we arrived, I immediately went to the big tables and slept. Then Tomie came and JB. Coach was surprisingly early. So, Neil arrived and we went to Don Bosco.

When we arrived (believe me! We were really early), we started playing rallies and stuff. Then 10minutes before the game, Don Bosco arrived. I really wanted to play since Tomie is the libero already. Then the news came... Ed isin't attending the game because he arrived late and he's sick or something. Who's going to be the setter? There is no one left. Then Neil told coach that I used to set during my Grade School days. So, he made me the setter. I was sooo pressured because this is my time to show what I can do.

Before the game started, we had a heart to heart talk as a team on what could be fixed, what do you suggest to improve our game then the comments of coach. My comments were half harsh and half encouraging. I took some mental notes:

1) Digging - I always jump when I dig. :( Really?! I try my best not to jump and it would be hard. The best comment I probably recieved was that I could really hustle for the ball. That's the only good comment I got.

2) Setting - Well, for short, he couldn't make me a setter because there are lots of setters in the team already. So long my setting days. :'(

3) Spiking - The worst comment I got about myself... he hated my approach. I'm really sorry but I'm used to this approach and it has worked for years already. The reason why I don't do well in my spikes is because I don't get to practice them anymore. I was always digging... no spiking.

Then he told us about the UAAP lineup this year. He began by listing the players that are sure to be in the lineup. Blah blah blah. Until only 2 spots remain and still more than 5 people haven't been called. Good luck! As if I would make the lineup after all the comments I had. So I said to myself, this is my last game and I would really do my best. I'm a setter for this game and its a good way to end my volleyball career in high school. That is probably the best way I imagined would happen. I really feel happy about my last game and here's what happened:

Game 7: Don Bosco def. Ateneo (3-0)
Pretty nice game. I had some errors in my sets because of the pressure and my last game but I managed to do an alright job. It was a close fight all sets making it to the 23-25 marks. Then I asked myself, "What would happen if Ed were here?" Without a doubt we would win the game. Neil played the game of his life because coach told me to set mostly at the open.

Game 8: Ateneo def. San Beda (3-0)
My last game in the high school ended out with a win. And most especially, a setter, something that I wanted to happen since I entered the team. We had good plays I must say. Now the pressure was off my back and I could set better than the last one. The important thing about that is that everyone scored. That's how distributed the points are. Even the libero was able to score. Thanks for an amazing season. I ended with a bang! Now, everything is over. PRADA is finished. I can focus on my studies already and have more time to have fun instead of practicing for UAAP which I know I won't be in.

Huwag na tayo maging pranka. I really want to play in the UAAP. But, if coach didn't see something in me, then his will be done. He's the one who we would follow. At least I was able to play a whole season. Its all over. I had fun while it lasted. I'll surely miss playing after dismissal. I'll miss the fouth year people because they won't be there next year. I'll miss the bonding moment with Gian. Now everything is over, I could say that I was able to show what I could do and I have no regrets in anything. Thanks you guys. I have to go. I'll attend the choir practice in a few minutes. I'm actually in Miriam. Using the internet here is so much fun. Its so fast! Anyways, I have to go now. Bye bye! Peace to all! I'll miss you guys!

my position on the varsity volleyball team

2006-10-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

Because of the busy sched recently, my site was on hiatus. But since I have time to make posts today, then why not? Ok. My post for today is my position in the varsity volleyball team.

I really don't know where I am at the moment. There are things that I wanted to do but I cannot because of my limited abilities. I really wanted to improve my setting skills; thats probably the reason why I joined the team. I really want to be a setter. Never have I thought about being the libero. Being the libero is both good and bad. Good in a sense that there are only 7 other players to face for the Best Libero award. But the other way around, I can only focus on one part of volleyball... digs. That's the only thing that I can do. I cannot set for the team even though I am so eager to do so and I cannot even serve which is my forte during my Grade School days. I feel so limited. I'm going nowhere. And I really hate it.

Now, I heard, that I won't be the libero for UAAP. Thank God? Well, partly yes and no. Yes because I don't have to suffer just receiving serves and spikes. No because I won't get that much minutes anymore. Because I was mostly practiced on my digging skills, I lost my setting and spiking skills. I really hate that. I can't spike a ball hard enough and how I liked it before. Now, its all a mess. Almost all my spikes are top spin ones that are easily received. I try to fix some things up like add some power but still, no effect. I LOST MY SPIKING ABILITIES! And its all because of letting me practice on my digging. That's the part I hate the most.

Not showing what I can really do = less minutes on the court = not improving at all

That has been my theory so far. And as the days continue, the more I feel that I should quit the team. I really can't take it. I feel so useless.

Concerning my grades... My grades affected me a lot so far in me joining the team. FYI, I haven't passed a single long test that was returned this term. So far so good in making it to the honor roll... not! Well, except for the Religion, Science and Filipino long tests, I haven't passed a single one. I know the long tests are easy.. believe me. When I saw the the errors, I said, "Sus, bakit ako nagkamali dito?" I feel that I already lost my chances in making it. The exams are a month away and I still haven't gotten the chance to recite for Religion, haven't passed most of the quizzes in AP, haven't got a good group in Filipino. I really hope that everything will go as I planned and be able to get at least a 3rd honor for my application in the college. But, volleyball has been affecting me very much. When I arrive from training, I go straight to bed and not study. I feel so sad about that.

My position in the team. After some reflection about how I act towards the team members, I feel that I have been too mayabang with my team mates. So what if you have some playing experience? You don't have to make fun of people who play for the first time. I just feel like everybody in the team is being "plastic" when I approach them. That's the reason why I was down last Tuesday. I feel that I have been too strong to my team mates. My side of the story.. I feel that I am too hard, I admit it. And its because that I expect much for the team. Not to be too mayabang or something, but, I never felt so hopeless about the team since now. Before, we were used to having straight victories against other schools. And when we were in the finals, we were not that nervous because we knew that we could really take this. But, this team is a lot different. I don't know if its the coach or something, but I feel that the thing that the team lacks is the BASICS. For me, I expect my team mates to know the basics already, that's why they made it through the team, right? But, that isin't the case. There are still improvements that had to be done because of not knowing the basics. Puro plays nga, pero walang saysay din dahil puro errors because of not knowing the basics. Some basic stuff like the service. We're high school already. We must at least know how to serve. Hindi na bale kung may paekek pa kung mag-eeror din naman yung serve. Another thing is the plays. Last time, we had no plays during the season. We didn't have to do plays like the kwatro or dos plays anymore. Open shots are alright basta't in, why not? But coach went straight to making plays like A,B,C,etc. The secret to the team's success before was not because of Banjo. It was because we knew the basics. And that's why I have been soo mad about some team mates who don't know the basics. Even though your excuse is that you are new to volleyball...

There are NO excuses in volleyball. You joined the team because you know that you can represent the team as one of the better players in the school. But what happens is that, there are trainings but some don't attend. How can you improve if you don't attend practices? Some even don't improve even though they do the same mistakes. You know you made a mistake, then make some adjustments. But what some, even myself, do nothing to improve. That's why I have been acting that way towards the simplest things..

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW?! I DIDN'T EVEN PASS THE FIRST SCREENING. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS. THIS IS MINE. DO YOU AGREE OR NOT? MAYBE NOT FULLY BUT AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT.

Comment in multiply or tag in my blogspot. Be right back. I'm gonna make a new post for the cluster night.

How Dare You?

2006-09-18T16:35:00.000+08:00

There are people who think they know me too well that they could say anything about me. There are people who judge me from who I am. The truth is, no one really knows the real me. They may have spoken to or had a conversation with the real me but they never really know who I really am and what I am going trough. Such a thing happened a while ago and here's the conversation we had:

Ang kapal naman ng mukha niyang husgahan ako. Iba ako sa Ryan na nakikita niyo sa school, sa gimmicks, at kung saan saan pa. Iba ako kapag pinapakita ko yung totoo kong sarili. Hindi ako magpapatalo. Hindi ako nagpapahusga sa mga taong hindi ako kilala nang lubusan. Whether it is a joke or not. I admit that I have mood swings. One moment, we are joking about something, the next, I am raging about something. You see, I wouldn't have these mood swings for no reason. You may have crossed the line. You may really hurt me in a way. Even though it is a joke. When I know that something is not right, that's when I become serious.

And the bad thing about it is that that person is actually a teacher. Nice rolemodel, eh? Dapat mga guro ang nagpapakita ng TAMANG halimbawa sa mga estudyante. E kung puro walang kwenta ba naman pinaggagawa mo... ewan ko na lang sa iyo. I must be studying right now but I really have to get this off my chest. This is something I have to tell you. Never judge me. I am a fighter. My friends know that. I hold grudges. You never really want to be on my bad side because you will really regret it. Intayin niyo na lang na magalit ako kapag kaharap niyo ako. I don't take things that are related to me very lightly. You hit me, I hit you back. I get even... remember that! To whoever you are, paki ko ba kung guro ka humanda handa ka lang diyan dahil magsisisi ka talaga! Think before you say something. Maybe your crossing the line already. Haven't you thought of that? Life is not all jokes... remember that!

Sunday Again?!

2006-09-17T10:27:00.000+08:00

Why is it that every Sunday, I tell the person that I have a crush on my feelings? I remember that I told my first crush about it during the Sunday; mid-summer time. I also told a friend of mine that I have feelings also on a Sunday. Then, a while ago, I finally told B that I liked her. Why does it always happen on a Sunday?! And again, I feel that it has happened all over again. I can feel that it is starting already. The avioding thing... its happening all over again. And I feel so down with myself. Feeling some guilt? A little bit. Now, I think I can't text her anymore or even speak to her. I feel so shy now that I'll talk to her. The wall is up and I can sense it already. I thought that I have hopes for her, I guess not. Well, she's a nice person and even though I don't know a lot about her, I feel like we can get to know each other more. But ever since that happened, its all over. She's already probably so fed up with me already. Now the avoiding begins. It may be hard, but that's the thing to do already. Its going to be hard for me to avoid her because she's a nice girl and such a friend.

I like her, she likes another. I knew about it. Even before I liked her, I know that the guy she likes and herself already had something going on. My intention was not to interrupt their friendship but its just the feeling inside. I had to let it out and clear my sleepless nights. Evertime, I just think about her and ask myself what will happen if I told her this and that? I guess that "what-if" question is over. And the answer is? I'll get heart broken (again) and never speak to her.

I don't know if she still wants me to be her friend. I dunno. I probably won't text her anymore but I hope she does because I would definitely reply if she ever needs someone to talk to. Anyways, she likes my friend. And he likes her (I think..). So, I guess they are meant to be and I would get away from it all. Its a good thing considering the fact that I'm going to leave soon. I may study college out of the country, or leave. I don't know. I just wish that things will turn out fine once we see each other.

My advice to myself: never ever tell someone your feelings on a Sunday. It will really bite you in the back once you do that again. See you guys. I have to study. Bye!

A Poem for B...

2006-09-17T08:56:00.000+08:00

This is a poem made by my team mate and it's pretty good. I love it very much that I dedicate this poem to her...

The Passionate Knight to His Damsel
by: Gelo Caancan

Come be with me and be my princess
And we will get all the riches prove
That honors, graces, blessings & will
Pleasures, or treasure yields

And we will sit upon a throne
Seeing the beauty that is to come
By shining stars, endless nights
Melodious choirs sing for our loving

And I will make thee hymns of love
And a thousand wishes granted
A ring of gold and a gown of silk
Made all with love, I'll bring

Jewelries made of the finest materials
Which from our pretty lands we pull
The thickest coat for the cold
With fabric of the purest wool

A castle built with diamonds & gems
With elegant carpets & curtain lines
And if these pleasures may thee move
Come be with me and be my princess

The enchanted fairies shall dance & sing
For they rejoice each love that springs
And if these delights may thee move
Then stay with me and be my queen

Jubilee Prayer

2006-09-10T17:15:00.000+08:00

I was keeping my things during the first term when I stumbled upon the Jubilee Prayer that I made. This is the first homework for Religion at kinarir ko na talaga. This was dated last June 19, 2006. So here it goes:

Sa Inyong gabay, Panginoon, sana gamitin natin ang panahong ito para pagnilayan ang mga nakaraang taon. Sana matutuhan namin ang aming mga pagkakamali at hindi ulitin pa. Sana malaman natin na ang panahong ito ay para humingi ng paumanhin sa mga nasaktan natin at bigyan ng paumanhin sa mga taong nagkasala sa atin.

Sa Inyong gabay, Panginoon, bigyan niyo po sana kami ng maraming oportunidad upang umunlad ang ating bansa na ngayon ay nasa panahong kawit ang palakol. Tulungan niyo po ang mga nangangailangan ng atensyon kagaya ng mga dayukdok, hayok, dahop at gipit sa pampananalapi.

Ngayong taon ng Hubleyo, matuto sana kaming bumalik sa Inyo at bangkatan ang aming paniniwala sa Inyo. Lalo na sa panahon ngayon na maraming nagsusulputan na mga balita at binibigyan ng duda ang pamamalagi ni Hesus sa mundo. Matuto po sana naming talikuran ang mga ganitong sigalot sa mundo upang maging payapa na ang ating bansa.

Ang taon ng Hubleyo ay ang panahon upang magtanim ng bagong puno; magsimula muli. Ang panahong ito ay para maging sariwa, para bumalik sa dati; tahimik, disiplinado at malakas ang paniniwala sa Panginoon. Magkaisa sana ang mga barangay, nayon at bansa para manumbalik ang katiwasayan ng mundo. Itabi na ang mga espada at baril para umawit ng mga tunog ng katahimikan.

Amen.

Recovery

2006-09-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

After every heartace that goes on, there's always a time wherein you recover from every bad thing that happened to you. There is always a chance where you can heal and step back up. So? What happened today? Nothing pretty much. I woke up from a 10-hour sleep for the second time in a row. So, this is my healing from the late nights of not sleeping. Then I went to mass. What did I pray about? Hmm... Light. Signs. And a peace in my mind. I need light to lead me the way because as of now, I don't really know where I am heading. So, I really am not sure which roads to travel. I also need light to help me recover from a horrible practice day last time. Signs. I need signs about me continuing the choir. As of now, I'm still leaning towards quitting but after what happened today, I became more confused. A peace of mind. This has been the one that I have been wishing for the past few weeks. Each night, before I go to sleep, I always wished that everything will be peaceful. I wish that there will be no more problems when I wake up. I wish that there will be no more hurt everytime I show myself to people. I wanted to have a day wherein I don't get into a fight or scream or get mad at someone. I just wanted everything to be peaceful. No more problems. Such a great feat right?

So, after mass. I had a chance to sleep and relax before the dress rehearsals for the concert. Being totally terrified after what happened yesterday, I sought for techiques from a friend who is coincidentally in a choir as well. He gave me a lot of useful tips. I even used one as soon as I went offline. Then, I practiced some vocalization songs in the computer and the audio Sir Jude gave me. So, ready? Not yet. I have to relax a lot. Stress affected my voice according to my friend. And that is really true. Because of stress, I lost confidence in myself. And with all that has been going through my mind lately, I wanted everything to end. I hurriedly dressed up and made all the preparations needed before I left the house.

I arrived the UST Museum pretty much early. And as soon as I went in, I saw the you-know-who person and really acted as if nothing really happened. We had some hi's and hello's but that was pretty much it. I was pretty much the odd man out in the side of the Tenors. All of them were pretty good, except for me. Julio and Raymond and surprisingly, Dominic was there. Hehehehe. It is so akward to see them again. So, blockings in the positions in the museum were made then the actual singing was done already.

We sat for hours in the bench eagerly waiting for our turn wearing the barong which was pretty hot I might say. But since the place was air conditioned, I felt fine. the rest of the boys who were not singing were in one place watching them sing. It was like a pre-concert thing. There were pictorials while singing. There were tape recordings and there were even timings made. So, it was pretty much the real thing except for the people. While sitting down, it was the second part of the repertoire (and we were basically in the last part) and they sang some songs that were really touching. And I remembered a lot about what has happened recently.

It was probably like a reflection time for me thinking about the happenings and what should be done right and what is there to do to make amends in stuff. So, this was a little like a recovery in a sense that I get to know more about what I should do about stuff going on. It may be a little unclear for you guys and it is really hard to explain such things going on. I decided to stay all alone and be with myself for a while. But eventually, I got to talk to you-know-who. We shared some jokes and really had a great time despite what happened. Its as if nothing happened... which is the thing that I wanted that person to realize.

Then its our time to perform. The thing that I had to do was to clear my mind. And forget for just a few minutes everything that has been going on lately. I wanted to forget all the troubles and have confidence in myself. I know I can do it. And what happened? I sang my heart out. My voice may not be that loud as compared to the others. I really don't want to ruin the choir so I didn't really increase the volume but I really reached the notes as much as I can. And I really did alright. I think that they didn't hear me but I didn't miss a note. I guess that tip by my friend really paid off. So, I really am so happy by the end of the day.

Just to fast forward the day...... I made Matti a new blog site which I hope she promises to update everyday. It's my simple birthday gift for her. I also got to watch the Philippine Idol and Pinoy Dream Academy. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe, some exam results will be out already. I am so scared. And I know that tomorrow will be a bad day for me but still. I really hope that whatever the outcome of the exams, I will just tell myself that I did everything that I could do to have a good score and hopefully, if ever I fail, I will be able to recover. That has been pretty much the theme of the entire post so far. I wish to end this already. It is too long! Hope someone read it. See you soon! Bye!

Goodbye to You

2006-09-02T19:13:00.000+08:00

Since Star is not here anymore and I really have to let all my emotions about this run wild and leave me as soon as possible so I decided to post this thing out there. This post is dedicated to my "best" friend... correction ex-best friend. So it was a really unusual day. I woke up really early and I realized that I didn't have any voice comming out of my mouth. I asked myself what more could go wrong. And tell yourself this!

Never ask what else could go wrong because definitely there will be something worse planned out for you.

So, that really is true! When I went to choir practice, having no voice to sing with, I had a text from my "friend" telling me that she has something going on with me and I wont really expound on that. So that happens to me and I really get pissed off and I started having second thought in attending the practice with a bad mood. To tell you guys the truth, I lied in telling people that I am sleepy. Truth is, I'm so pissed off about what happened. So, that changed a whole of things in terms of my ethusiasm in singing. Then something happened which really pushed me to the top. There's this friend I have, a really close one I might add. We were practicing Salmo 150 then they talk about something that I don't know. So I ask them about it (because to tell you the truth, we're really good friends...or so I thought) and they tell me that, "Its not the right time" and all other kinds of shit. So I said fine.

The connection: The thing that my "friend" and I fought about was the trust issue that was going on. And it seems that when that happened, I realized, that people really don't trust me.

I've been trying my best to be a good friend to everyone, especially in the choir because I really feel at ease eveytime I'm there. It seems like everybody has different personalities that I like about them. I thought I was being trusted by the people there but I guess not. They have shared stories about their lives or whatever and I really try my best to lend an ear and never have I shared about those stories to other people. I thought they trust me. But it seems that even my closest friend there didn't even really show that whoever that person is really trusts me.

I'm not bitter about the shit that my used-to-be-friend has going on. I just wanted to see if that person really trusts something so important to a person such as me. Kumbaga, yung parang trust na ibibinibigay ko kay Star kapag nagsheshare ako ng secrets sa kanya. I share those because I trust her even with the most personal things that I have been going through. I thought that we had the same friendship going on with that person but I guess, it isin't.

Now I realize that all the people I know, my friends and classmates really don't give me enough trust and that I would just blab all their secrets to people I don't know. You guys know me. I'm not like that. If I say I won't do this, I really try all that I can not to. It is so sad.

So, then we had this exam thing where 1 of each voice will sing Salmo 150. With all my emotions running through my head and everything that has been going on in the past 3 hours, I lost my energy to sing. And what happened was really disastrous. And FYI, remember that I don't really have much voice so sing the high notes. So, a) I didn't reach the high notes... too flat, b) nerve wrecking to sing solo, c) too depressed to sing. Even Kuya Jude told me that I didn't have confidence. How can I have confidence at a time like this? Its so depressing.

The effect of this worst day of choir practice ever... I'm thinking about leaving the choir. And it is not solely about what happened with my used-to-be-friend.. well, it is partly that. But I can really feel that I am the person putting down the Tenors. They have such good voices like Raymond who can reach the highest of high notes except for me. I am the one sooo letting the "team" down. I did everything wrong and I really want to end their misery.

Oh yeah, we had a text conference with that person:

Me: [sending a quote about friendship]
58546 9822: Hindi naman ah.. hindi lng talaga pwede kasi may agreement ako sa taong iyon.. kapag sabi niya k na.. sasabihin ko sayo.. dba nga wag magkalat ng hindi confirmed. [Hope by now you know who that person is. Take a look at the name and the quote!]

Me: Wag magkakalat sa mga taong hindi mo masyado close.. Siyempre, kaya nga may kaibigan para may 2nd opinion.. Kung wag magkalat pati sa friend, edi hindi talaga macoconfirm! Tss!
58546 9822: I want to earn the trust of that person.. sana naman maintindihan mo.. kung hindi pa rin.. maiintindihan ko

Me: I don't give a shit what that thing bout u nd that someone! What im toking bout s d trust that u have with your friends. and dat proved that you dont trust me and I understand that.
58546 9822: Wat? What someone? Paano nagkarron ng someone sa usapan

Me: I dunno. Just implying. Kasi kapag hindi naman tnkl sa luv lyf ndi k magiging ganoon ka-secretive.
58546 9822: Hindi tunkl doon. may nakita kasi c *name* sa phone.. sabi ko wag niya basahin kasi may sinend asko sa isang tao na hindi pwede makita kahit cno pro nabasa niya mga few lines.. sorry talaga... babawi na lng ako sayo.

Me: And I don't give a damn.
58546 9822: Sorry na. wala akong magagawa.. nagkamali na ako.. kung ayaw mo kausapin maiintindihan ko.

Me: Ok. I understand naman na di hamak na mas malaki trust mo sknya kysa skn.. If theres such a word, mas kaibigan mo xa.. I get it.. So, this means goodbye then.
58546 9822: Cge. magiging malungkot ako kung hindi mo na ako friend... sori na.. kung hindi.. boohoo.. wala na akong atenean friend.

Me: Dun m mamemeasure kng kanino ka may malaking tiwala.. kung wala ka naman tiwala sa friend mo n ssbihn mo as if ipagkakalat nia, edi wag mo sbihn.. un un dting sakin.
58546 9822: I do trust you... if you dont feel that way.. sori ryan.

Me: Then this means goodbye... sorry u had 2 end d day with this.. it all came down to ur trust in me.. guess u dnt trust me at all.. so.. i guess that's it?
58546 9822: Hindi kaya.. ano pa ba magagawa ko.. what u feel is out of my control.

Sorry guys. Had to end it. My messages got all mixed up. The replies were lost. Some were not in order. So, everything that came after had no sense. Lets just say that I told that person I'm leaning on quitting the choir. And saying goodbye to that person. So, I hope you are reading this and seeing my side in the story.

One Last Time!

2006-08-31T14:29:00.000+08:00

Only 1 day left to go till the end of the 1st Term! I never thought that I would be this nervous. This term is the most nerve wrecking term I've ever been in. I'm at the brink of my downfall. Kumbaga sa parabola, pababa pa lang ako. But parabolas tend to go back up again. So I'm really wishing that the parabola would go back up soon! One more day... its all over! Regrets? Hell, yes! But, I never regretted being on the varsity team, or in the youth choir.

Yes. I don't regret any of those. I know those are the reasons why I haven't been doing everything but those are something really close to me. Volleyball and singing are just two of my favorite things to do. My thanks to the Hail Mary Youth Choir and the Ateneo Varsity Volleyball Team.

1) To the Hail Mary Youth Choir: I really want to thank them for the support that they have been giving me in my studies and helping me improve in terms of my singing. I really to thank them for the friendship that they have shared with me this whole year. Its almost a year ago that I first stepped in the choir scene. I thank them for the fun moments. And it seems that if ever I am down when I enter ICC, they are there to cheer me up. And I thank all of them. Julio Datu, Raymond Muyot, Dominic De Leon, Joseph Lorenzo, Storm Sarmiento, the S1s and S2s in the youth choir like Pat Luspo and Lala Sarmiento and of course, Manay and Ate Kim. Thanks to you guys! And syempre, puwede ba mawala yung mga Atenista ng boys choir? Hehehehe. Thanks to you guys na rin. As if I would forget our "father" and "mother" in the choir. Ay! Ate at Kuya lang pala! Hehehe. Ate Thess and Kuya Jude Roldan. Salamat po!

2) Ateneo High School Varisty Volleyball Team: I would never expect me saying Thank You to them. First of all, I didn't actually pass during the first picks of the coach. I wasn't in the list. Then, all drama broke loose. You probably know about that if you actually read my posts before. I kept on going and what happened? I made the libero (starting lineup, I might add). I know, I told you that I would quit if I became a libero. But I would never expect it to be this tough. I came to the try outs to improve on my skill because people keep on telling me to try out. So I gave it a shot. And I promise them that I would not let them down. So, tuloy ang laban!

To continue my sobbing thank yous to the AHSVT, thanks for the time and effort to make Him happy. Hahahaha. OMG. Thou shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. Sorry po. Though varsity trainings are such a pain in the butt, literally, I thank you guys. Kung hindi sa inyo, hindi ko matututunan ang patience at nag-improve naman ako kahit papaano. Hay. Even though I'm a bit bitter with the coach, at least, I learn something from him. Hindi naman lahat puro paghihirap. He's like a dad, he wants the best from his sons (which is us) and he wants us to be successful and the only way to do that is to teach what he knows to us so that we would not make the same mistakes over and over. Am I right or am i right? I do make a point. And I thank the whole team for everything. Ed Ortega, Juno Gutierrez, JJ Asban, Gian Torres, Kuya Pao Torralba, Negra Mae (hehehe!), Tomie Rivera, Neil Flores, Ken Pessumal, JP Pareja, Ram Gatan, Gelo Caancan, JB Ruiz and those who I'm not really close to, James, Chino, JC, and the college players who visit us and train with us. Thanks again.

Wow! Nagmukha namang aalis na ako. No I will not. Each day makes me proud to be in the Youth Choir and in the Volleyball Team. I'm in that point that I am about to be appreciative of the gifts that I have and how I nurture myself to grow. Ang lalim noh?! Well, that's just me. I'm being thankful for what I have. Only 1/3 of the year is done. There's still more to do, and even more challenges to face. And I hope, these people will never hold me back or stop me from making my dreams come true. THANKS GUYS!!!

Pressure in the Exams

2006-08-30T19:50:00.000+08:00

I finally had time to rest from my stressful studies for the exams. This has been one of the most nerve-wrecking exams that I ever took in High School. Because, in this exam, my fate lies here. Its a matter of life or death now. My grades lie on this week. Almost all of my grades this term are in danger and I am so scared to fail a subject. Filipino: 77.2 and a single fail in this exam might give me a D in the card. The other subjects, I'm not really sure yet. I'm also scared about Science and English. I'm not really sure if I did a good job during the whole term. I still haven't adjusted much for the 3rd Year Pressure. I haven't really done everything that I can do and as a result, I fail the long tests and even simple quizzes. I haven't really done what I can do. And so, I have to work even double that I do for the exams. And the pressure of passing is really starting to make an effect when I'm answering my exam. I work really hard this past week. I read every chapter in the book for the AP exam. I studied everything that is there about the Ibong Mandaragit. I even studied every long test and ever quiz there is to study in Math. And the effect on the exam? Full of nothings! All my mistakes there are probably careless. I haven't lost hope or anything. Its just I feel so stupid. And now, I have a lot to do just to pass. Aaaaah! I want this madness to end!!! I totally promise. I would have the same attitude that I did during the exam and I wish that it will result in a better grade. So, pray for me that I would pass all my subjects. Wah!

I Hate My Coach Today Because...

2006-08-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

Every volleyball practice, I'll really try my best to make this post: I hate my coach today because.. This is where I'll put all my madness in our coach. Ok Game!

I HATE MY COACH TODAY BECAUSE:

1)He made us wait for him. Its true! We waited for him for a not-so-long time before he arrived. Didn't he know that practices start at 4PM?! He even told so himself! He's the coach! He needs to be early to manage the things coaches usually do. He gives out intructions, you know.

2)He made us wait for the quick spikers to do whatever. They are not the only players, you know. What was the warm up for if we are gonna get cooled down because of waiting for the quick spikers. There are 5 or 6 quick spikers and 2 setters and each of those spikers would have to spike in the middle, left, right, and extreme right side of the court. I hate resting just after warming up. There are 13+ members and he is just training the 6 players which are not all in the first six + libero! In effect, the exercise after that wherein we (liberos) have to recieve the ball for the setters, I had a hard time getting back my rhythm.

3)He made us look for the ball instead of having a practice game. Instead of training the first 6 + libero vs the others, he made us look for the missing balls. Let me talk in Filipino first: Imbes na maglaro kami at mag-improve yung game namin, pinahanap sa amin yung bola. Eh, pwede namang hanapin yun after training diba? As if it would make a difference finding the ball at that moment from finding the ball after training because we were the only ones left in the covered courts, again.

4)He gave us a hard time in the leg exercises. I hate that leg excercises. We are just teens, you know! We easily get tired. We're tired from school then you even give us a harder time in training. And when we arrive in our homes we go straight to bed and don't study?! That leg excercise was just brutal. Sana man lang, pakaunti - konti lang.

5)He made me (almost) bitter after I talked to him after practice. I told him that I will not go to practice on Thursday because of the Math and Science long tests the following day. Then his reply, "Ganyan naman parati eh. Edi wag ka na lang pumunta. Ako naman ang sisisihin kapag bumagsak ka." Well, duh! I'm a STUDENT-athlete. Even from the compound word, student comes first and I must focus more on my studies than volleyball. If I need to study for a long test, I must not go to the training. I must study hard! This is the last long test before the exams so I must pull my grades back up again. I hate failing in Math and Science! So, I must not really go.

Well, these are just some of the things that I hated the coach today. There are still stuff like the running excercise after the leg excercise. There is still the mean look on his face when we were at the vending machine. Wah! I hope I can post again later. I'll be probably posting on what happened today... which was a good day. See yah!

New Layout

2006-08-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! Sorry for not blogging that often. Exams are comming up and I have to do a lot of projects which are all due next week. I have a total of 3 days left to do all projects so I have to make most every time I have left. So, I have a new layout! At last. Well, this one is different from all the other layouts because for the first time, I didn't do the layout. You are probably wondering how did I do the new layout when I'm busy. Well. I didn't do it. Its just a layout I found and liked. And it really speaks to me in a way because the theme talks about partying. And I really miss partying with my friends. It has been a long time since I went out with my friends. So, I'm really eager to go out. After exams probably. I'm not sure. But most likely, I'll go on a gimmick very soon! I really miss gimmicks!!!

In other news, thank God! No game today! Because it is the exam week of Lourdes School Mandaluyong, the team that was supposed to face us today. Because of the cancelling of the game, I have a lot of time to do the projects. I'll be out the whole day because I had to have a choir practice with the Hail Mary Children's Choir at the Angelo King Auditorium later in the afternoon. And I think it will take all day. So? What projects are due on Tuesday:

1) Filipino Hatid
In the Filipino Hatid, I'm going to pour everything I've got. So far, I did all the work. No thanks to my 10 other group members... well except for Vincent and Paolo Sibulo. The others, wala kayong kwenta! I did the whole thing by myself. They didn't even revise their own hatid. That's why I'm furious at them! They are so lazy! Because I'm so desperate to get a high mark at this project, I had no choice to take it. Too bad for them because I won't even revise their works. Their grade will be the one to perish, not mine. The presentation part of the project has been already planned out. And the title has been made, "Ang Kislap ng Estrelya" which in english means, "The Glow of Stars" which symbolizes the hidden stars in space that make up one whole galaxy. Without these stars, a story can't be formed.

2) Religion Powerpoint
In the religion powerpoint, I had a hard time deciding on stuff. Mr. Pavia didn't explain the project well and I had a lot of questions. I don't know where to put the guide questions. I'm having a hard time placing the contents in because I don't even know if my answers are correct. I need to see other people's work to find out if I'm on the right path. And another problem? The second disk of Bagong Buwan didn't work so I had to rely on the sources that I read. As of what I watched, I liked the movie. It really speaks about the war of the Christians and the Muslims.

3) Lab Report
Wah! I really didn't get the lab experiment we did yesterday. Since I was pressed for time and I really didn't know what I was doing, I didn't get the results that I thought I would get. My lab notebook was literally blank! I didn't put any data in it. I don't know what I was supposed to do. So, in effect, I don't know what to put in the lab report on Tuesday.

4) English Monologue
Well, this one I like the most. I am able to see the life of Atlas. I will play the role of Altas on Tuesday. I still have to read about Atlas' life and what costume I'm going to wear for it. Among all of the projects, this is my favorite and I'm so excited to do it.

5) R.A. 1.4
This report and the lab report are pretty much the same. The experiment I did for the lab report applies in the R.A. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. Since the data I had are BLANK! I have no choice but to do some magic. I really need to get a high grade in the R.A. to get back at the Chem LT#2. I'm so nervous!

6) Computer Powerpoint
This is not actually a project but a take home quiz. I wanted to finish this as soon as possible so that I don't have to worry about it anymore. We had to do a commercial using powerpoint. No videos allowed. Well, how can we do that?! It's so frustrating! I had all this and no time for the powerpoint. I don't even know when I'm going to do it. Oh how I wish I were 10 persons right now!

Well, these are just some of the projects due next week. But what about the LONG TESTS for next week? Here's just a list:

1) Chemisty LT #3
At least I have a chance to catch up after my 33/50 grade in the LT2. I don't like to get a D in the card. Well, who does? Chemistry has been hell to me this past few weeks especially Solubility. I don't get a word that he's saying! To make matters worse that it already is, it's a problem solving type of lesson. So, I'm pretty much dead!

2) Math LT#4
Yes, you heard me right! Long Test number 4! I never thought it was possible. But it did happen! WaH! But in a good way, I would balance this with my horrible 39/50 long test number 3. Hopefully I would get the lessons. As of now, isosceles triangles are a bit confusing but I'm trying my best to make it work.

Ok. I already have to go continue the Filipino Hatid. I'm still on the Hatid. Here's my schedule for the weekend:

Saturday: Filipino Hatid (Finish!)
Sunday: Religion Project (Finish!)
Monday (no classes): English monologue (Finish Costume and speech!)

So, hopefully, I would be able to finish all by then! I have to go! Bye! See you soon!

Mah Weekly Schedule

2006-08-13T10:23:00.000+08:00

I'm truly busy everyweek. I need to rest, seriously!

Monday: PE of hell!
Tuesday: Varsity Volleyball Practice
Wednesday: Choir Practice
Thursday: Varsity Volleyball Practice
Friday: Varsity Volleyball Practice / Choir Practice
Saturday: Choir Practice
Sunday: Choir Practice

Good thing Monday is just PE and I can rest but the rest are just really tiring!
Waaaahh!! I need some rest. People, help me in my projects! I have loads to do! So tiring!!!!! Bye!!

I Miss Matti

2006-08-13T10:03:00.000+08:00

That's me in the corner. That's me on the spotlight, losing my religion. Trying to keep up with you. And I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I said too much. I thought I heard you laughing. I thought that I heard you sing. I thought that I saw you change. That was just a dream to try, cry. Just a dream. Just a dream.
Losing my Religion - R.E.M.

This song has no connection to my topic for today. I just felt like putting it there cause it really has been my theme song for quite a while. I don't know why. I just feel soooo sad, depressed, low of myself for days now. I just don't feel I have not yet put all of my effort in my studies. I'm just a regular member of the class again unlike during 2nd year where I was usually in the top 2 of the class. Not to be so mayabang but it's been such a bummer getting failing long tests and stuff. I never expected to get such low grades from my quizzes. Is it because of the varsity practices? Maybe. Because last year, I had choir practices and that didn't interfere with my studies. I even got honors when I was in the choir. But when I joined the team, I really don't know what happened!

Just to move that thing aside, I miss my dear loved-one for such a long time. She already moved to somewhere near her school because her dad got relocated again. So she has to move. And I miss her very much! We've been planning to go out but still, it has been always planning then ending up not going because of something important that I or sometimes she has to attend to. So we've been pretty busy. She moved to a better school, I must say and that as a late enrollee, I must admit she has a lot to do to catch up on her studies and I respect her for that. I miss Matti so much!! I'm currently listening to Bossa Nova songs. Its raining outside and I can feel the emotion in my room. Its full of drama and lots more. Waaaahh!!! Matti!!!

I'll post something different in my next post in about five minutes alright. Bye!

Hell Term

2006-08-06T17:47:00.000+08:00

In the next days before the end of the term, here is my checklist of my things to do:

1) Pistambayan decors
2) Filipino LT
3) AP Written Output
4) AP Powerpoint
5) Religion Website (Project)
6) Volleyball Games
7) Choir practices
8) Choir concert
9) Religion LT
10) Math Project
11) R.A. 1.3
12) R.A. 1.4

As you can see, I still have a lot of things to do. And if anyone cares to give a support, a good luck or you can do it is all it takes. 3rd Year is really different. Especially if you have a lot of extra curricular activities. And I really mean a lot. Wish me luck guys. I already have laryngitis already. I can't speak that well and as loud. I really need some rest. People help me!! This list will add or lessen as the days come by. So stop by every now and then. See you! Bye!

I'm going to Die on

2006-07-30T12:41:00.000+08:00

I'm Alive!

2006-07-28T20:38:00.000+08:00

This is just one of those days that you wished the day was over. I'm lucky to be surviving right now. I almost died practically from everything that went on today.

1) I SURVIVED THE SCIENCE LONG TEST!!! Ok here's the thing, the science long test was just effing hard!!!! I almost cried when I saw the long test. It was totally hard. I'll be happy if I get 30/50 already! That's how hard the test is. Especially with the time pressure of memorizing all the cations and anions. And FYI, he told us to memorize everything less than a week before the test. So it was very hard!

2) I SURVIVED ANOTHER ENGLISH SESSION!!! Waah. English is starting to get hard for me! I've been failing the past quizzes and now she wants us to read 30 pages of Greek Mythology in 3 days?! Gosh! Now I wanted to die!

3) I SURVIVED THE MATH LONG TEST!!! I was actually letting myself down from the math long test these past few days. The test was easy, I should say so myself. I expected to get a low grade but... I got a 45.5/50 wooh! I really prepared so hard for the test! I was nervous about the wrong spellings in my test. I though Mr. Sumpaico would deduct points from it. Luckily not.

4) I SURVIVED THE 5-MIN SOLO EXERCISE!!! I almost could not move after that. I couldn't even breathe! I know coach was a lot lighter than what he did with Ram and James. I couldn't breathe well when I was doing that. I coudn't imagine me doing what Ram and James went through. I salute them!

5) I SURVIVED A DAY NOT TALKING TO SOMEONE!!! After the whole thing, I was able to avoid not talking to him for a day. Though I actually texted him once because of a super emergency thing in volleyball practice and I also praised him a couple of times because of the way he played. There! Such a big clue who he is. He's from the team.

These are just SOME of the events that happened to me today. I am so tired right now and I can't move because of the 5 minute exercise. I'm still bleeding. :'( Hopefully tomorrow I could start studying again. Ok, I have to rest now because I'm going to make a new layout in my Multiply. Check it out once I finish it. Ok, Thanks! See you! Bye!

Story of the Lost Lonely Boy

2006-07-25T16:07:00.000+08:00

PARENTAL GUIDANCE: Anything you will read in this post is totally personal and private and whatever you will read must be between you and me. The next post is filled with heartache, pain, and emotions. I will be sharing my life as a lover in a relationship. All my heartaches and pain, it is all in hear. Last year I shared my life as an only child… Today, I will be sharing my life as a lover. Parental Guidance is adviced....

You don't know a lot about this Lost Lonely Boy. It has been 16 years when I was born. I live in a small townhouse with my parents and a few relatives. I am not the average only-son person, I am much MUCH different.

I was the only son and was born in a stormy weather. They decided to call me Ryan; the combination of my parents' names. I was a miracle baby in a sense that at the age of my parents when they had me. After me, it was impossible to have kids so I was raised alone. I lived a lonely life. I had my own room when I was in the 4th Grade and I stayed there ever since. I barely leave my room. I'm not the social type of person. I'm shy and I don't really talk to people. I was raised as a reserved, quiet person. I leave my room only when I had to take a bath or eat. I don't hang around with my familiy that much. My dad, he works in the Horse Racing business and he comes home late. My mom, from an army family, she works as a teacher in pre-school. I don't talk to people. I don't have that much friends. It was all the same until I reached Middle School.

Middle School was a different world, a world that would eat you alive. If you are not emotionally stable, then you would be breaking down each and everyday. That happened to me when I first stepped in Middle School. I was afraid. But then, I started to have some friends and allies. People started to get to know me, for a change. I started hanging around with different friends and I have seen the different diversities in school.

There's this song: First Day High and it talks about the different groups in school and asks you what group are you from. I began to realize, I don't know what group am I. I've been switching groups for 3 years. I've been with the geeks, the jocks, the who-knows-whats, the feelings, the popular, the outcasts, the invisible ones. Its seems like I've been through all of it. I never really been permanently in a group. I don't want to be labeled for that matter.

One year left to go in Grade School and I have drastically changed. From a quiet simple child to a grown-up teen, I have been hit with the love bug. I met a girl, she was from Miriam Grade School. We met at a simple party before and we became friends ever since. Days and months passed and I felt different about her and one night, I decided to let all my feelings out. I told her about how I felt for her and that I liked her but not just the ordinary like but the "LIKE" kind. Well, I really didn't tell it to her personally but through text. She then made a reply: "Ok. I promise, I will NOT IGNORE you." I was so glad and I felt like I didn't make the wrong choice. The next day, I texted her and she told me that she's leaving town and that it was so far away that she won't recieve any more messages and that I can't text her anymore. After a few days, I found out she didn't leave and when I texted her, she completely ignored me. I did the same thing over and over again but she now is ignoring me. Then I felt that telling her how I feel is not the right choice. I was really hurt and depressed for a long time and it felt like it was the end of the world.

Grade 7 has been such a mirror for my personality. Another thing happened to me during this year. I've actually been with the Mirian GS Varsity VOlleyball team. We got to play with each other for 2 games and we got to talk and be close with each other. I met a lot of players from the team and we got to be pretty close. After months of getting to know them, I found out about someone having to like me or something. Thanks to her friends who told me the news, I suddenly felt that I should not be talking with them anymore. It seemed like I wasn't ready to talk to them. They called me a lot and I rejected their calls. Then I realized how stupid I was to do that. I know what it feels to be rejected. I know what it is like to be snobbed around. I also felt the hurt of being rejected. And to be so dumb to do that to a nice person wasn't the right choice. I know it was a big mistake and I probably regret it now. It wasn't the right thing to do and I'm sorry to whoever that was. You know me, you know that it wasn't like me to be doing such crap. You guys were good to me, you were probably the only ones who don't do what the other Miriam girls do. You were understanding and thoughtful and I am sorry for what I have done and I plan to make it up someday.

High School was different from all the emotions and drama that I have suffered in Grade School. It seemed that I was left alone. There was no one to guide me. ANd let me start by telling my life as a freshman.

For the first time in my life, I have never felt in love this much. I know about what happened to me before and I don't want that to happen again but she was different. Her name was Paula Soriano. She's also in 1st Year and one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. It seems like we were inseparable. School was not that hard because I had her as one of my inspirations. She's different in a sense that she was so sweet. I thought that we would just be friends until one day, she called up and told me all the good things that happened in our friendship. Things that were unforgettable like the time where we were in a party and we talked together, just the two of us. We talked a lot. We shared our own life. And then I noticed how big our relationship was compared to other people and then. The moment came. And everything else was a fairy tale turned into a reality. It was different, falling in love again and not being rejected. It was a hard leap and of course, it was all worth it. It seems that this fairy tale has ended, but as to all stories, they have sequels.

One year passed when Paula and I had been "friends" and it seems that nothing can put us apart. Except for her family. You see, Paula's dad works at an international company and as bad as the timing is, they had to move again. I knew all about it months ago and I never thought that it would never happen. Guess I thought wrong. The day before she left, I gave her this note telling her how much she meant to me and how big of a person I have changed because of her. But as to all good things come to an end and our relationship had to end. It was hard for me to write that letter and it was a pain as I wrote every word on that note and how many tears dropped when the letter was given. I remember it clearly. It was a night I won't forget. It was raining, as to all of my days. Rain. Such a big part of my life. I got to move on. Because everytime it rains, it brings a brand new day and a rainbow that will lead a path for you.

It took me months to move on and forget her. She was different. And so was I. Before I entered Second Year, I met Matti (Maria Antoinette) Zamora Espinosa. She was a simple, nice, polite young girl. I am older by a year, she's was in 1st year, I was a sophomore. I was entrigued by her because she had funny initials, it spelled out as M.A.Z.E. and that was how everything started. I learned about her twists and turns and it seemed that her life was in a maze, just like mine. A maze that was filled with traps, obstacles and dead ends. But eventually, like every maze, there's a way out. We became the best of friends and I actually was afraid at first... committing myself again. It's hard to forget about me and Paula and how things ended and how I felt when it was over. So, I really hesitated at first until a friend named Star Jimenez told me, "Follow your heart, and your dreams will lead your way." This was so special for me and I won't forget that quote. It was an important time for that and in the end. We became.... together.

It's been 15 months and we had our rough times. There was rain on my birth, a sign of depression and hopelessness. There was M.A.Z.E. a sign of triumph in obstacles. We are opposites and together we became compatible for each other. For every rain drop that falls to the ground, today, in my special day, the day that I was born, I'll try to remember each person who has changed my life and made life better for me. I have had a lot of friends and they have helped me trough the worst of times and they shared my joy through the best of times. I wish, for my birthday, that I won't be the Lost Lonely Boy, but the One who surpassed all tribulations that came my way and finally, I would find the light in the maze; to find the success of all my hardships. I will see, in the end, the glory that I have been waiting for.... because it is really my fairy tale and there should be a happy ending!

To All My Birthday Greeters

2006-07-25T10:15:00.000+08:00

To all those who greeted me this year: thank you very much! Now I know who my real friends are! Here's the whole list:

People who were really advanced:
Nico De Leon, Kim Muniz, Pat Luspo, Star Jimenez, Ian Ganhinhin, Ed Ortega, John Santos, Lucci Mauricio, Tommy Manzano, Matti Espinosa, Jin Solomon

People who nearly got the date right but was a day advanced:
Missy Muyot, Meynard Genato, JB Ruiz, Kate Diaresco, Rem Del Rosario, Joseph Aranas, Teri Guanio, Jin Solomon, Wowee Sanchez, Pao Ramirez, Regie Centeno, Ymam Ahmad, Ton2 Chew, Myke Gutierrez, Star Jimenez, Matti Espinosa

People who got the date right:
Chester Labez, Juno Gutierrez, Emman Dumlao, Chino Arellano, Ton-Ton Chew, Star Jimenez, Matti Espinosa, Julio Datu, Alex Manahan, JB Ruiz, Neil Flores, Lord Yamsuan, Geo Lapuz, Miggi Angangco, Neil Asuncion, Moe Peralta, JB Ruiz, Ian Gonzales, Tomie Rivera, Jamoi Casicas, Pat Luspo, Nico De Leon, Raymond Muyot, Javie Onglao, Rich Lopa, Timmy Palma, Banjo Cordero, Paula Soriano, Josh Journales, Sarah Sarmiento

Well, the list will hopefully add. I want to thank everyone who greeted me. This is not yet the official list. I will add some names once I remember them. By the way, I'm writing the names not because I wanted to boast about how many actually greeted me, it is just a way to say Thanks for those who took time to IM or text or tell me in person and greeted me on my birthday. Thanks, guys! This means a lot to me.

I'll post my birthday reflection later alright? See you!

Pre-Birthday Drama

2006-07-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

Let me just speak in Filipino for this part of the blog.

Heto nanaman ako. Tatanga-tanga! Dahil sa sobrang katangahan ko, may napaaway nanaman ako. Kailan ba naman kami nag-uusap for the first time, doon pa talaga nag-away. Birthday jitters perhaps? Ewan ko! Dahil sa kakulitan ko, may isang tao nanamang hindi pumapansin sa akin. Bakit ba ako ganito katanga. Nangyari na nga sa akin dati, naulit pa. Sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na hindi na mauulit iyon pero.. naulit eh. Nakaka-inis nga. Sobra. Wala na. Hindi na niya ako papansinin. Tatanga-tanga kasi ako eh! So, in return, hindi ko na rin siya kakausapin kasi ganoon eh. E ang problema ba naman, buong linggo ko siya nakikita. Hindi naman araw-araw pero paminsan-minsan. Hindi na nga kami ganoon ka-close, pinalayo pa kami. Grabe naman ito! Gusto ko pa naman siyang kaibiganin, maslalong makilala. Grabe. Ngayon, wala na. Galit na siya sa akin eh. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya sakin sa mga nakaraang araw. Grabe. Bakit ko pa kasi kailangang guluhin yung tao. Pwede naman sanang hayaan siyang mag-online ng buong araw, for all I care. Hay naku! Katangahan talaga! Kaya ayoko sa sarili ko eh. Haaaaaay!

OK. Now the english part. Its so sad that I am minutes away from my 16th Birthday and that I got mostly what I wanted but this thing happened. It seemed that going into my birthday, I had a lot of things that I wanted: suspension of classes, birthday treat, a cool birthday gift, lots of birthday greetings, and a not-so-new-found friend. Its seems like everything is perfect.. but I guess not. After what happened, there's no way that I would be happy on my 16th Birthday. I am minutes away from being 16 but I'm feeling so sad. It's supposed to be a HAPPY birthday... but I guess not. That ruined everything. Why am I so stupid?! Why can't I act more mature and change?! I hate myself for doing that. What happens now when I go back to school? It will be so hard not to notice him. He'll be there and I can't do anything. I can't speak to him in person because of what happened. I really don't know. Too bad! Aww. I'll try to move on. And hopefully I will. I'll just have to keep you posted.

It's Showtime

2006-07-24T09:30:00.000+08:00

Hallelujah! Praise God in his holy sanctuary; give praise in the mighty dome of heaven. Give praise for his mighty deeds, praise him for his great majesty. Give praise with blasts upon the horn, praise him harp and lyre. Give praise with tambourines and dance, praise him with flutes and strings. Give praise with crashing symbals, praise him with sounding symbals. Let everything that has breath give praise to the LORD! Hallelujah!

Psalm 150

As days pass by, the concert comes nearer and nearer. Wow my very first concert with the Hail Mary the Queen Childrens Choir. I'm so nervous. Problem is, schedules are clashing! HMTQCC practices are every Wednesday (4:30), Friday (5), Saturday (1), and Sunday (2). Those will definitely clash with varsity practice on Wednesday (4-6), Friday (2-5) and the games will be held on Saturday morning. Waaaaah. What am I supposed to do? I'm so confused. And on September 9-10, which is the concert day, I will have my immersion. So schedules will really clash on the day of the concert. I'm so nervous to tell Ate Thess cause she'll probably kick me off the concert which I do not like. I'm so excited for the concert and I don't intend in not being there.

Well, probably, I won't be even there in the concert anyways. I've been absent for the past practice dates because of varsity training. And now is definitely not the right time to be absent. There's also this audition process again. And, to tell you the truth, I'm the only one in the Boy's Choir from Ateneo who hasn't auditioned. Hehehehe. When I arrived, we just sang there then he told me that I was a tenor. Anyways, its going to be my first time to audition. And I'm so scared of what Mr. and Mrs. Vizconde-Roldan will tell me (it is required to add the Vizconde Hehehehehe). Well, wish me luck and hopefully, I will make it.

By the way, what is the connection with the quote? Psalm 150 is the english version of one of the most famous songs in the youth choir. You'll hear it hopefully in the concert.

Thanks to the additional birthday greeters:
Missy Muyot, Meynard, Genato, JB Ruiz, Kate Diaresco, Rem Del Rosario, Joseph Aranas, Teri Guanio, Jin Solomon, Wowee Sanchez, Pao Ramirez, Regie Centeno, Ymam Ahmad, Ton2 Chew, Myke Gutierrez, Star Jimenez (again), and You Know Who (again).

Signs of God

2006-07-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; and it is not from works, so no one may boast.

Ephesians 2: 8-9

A while ago, I was chatting with a friend and we discussed about pressures in school, choir and volleyball and how each is affecting the other thing. We've talked about things that I have kept for some time already like about the coach. I know it was a thing in the past and I don't want to relive it. Its over and done and HOPEFULLY, I have moved on. So anyways, he gave me this passage in the bible to reflect on (it's the one above). And it actually made a point. I'm lacking prayer and faith in God to help me through all this. All I thought about was me working. Everything, I had to do myself. All the work and no faith really gets you nowhere. I depend on what I do instead of what WE can do as a team. I forgot that God is there to give a hand. I've cried about giving up and it really stinks to be doing that. I really needed something at a time like that. And I really want to thank you for it!

Ok, moving on. My birthday is two days from now and a lot of people already greeted me this early. Here are some short birthday greetings:

"BUZZ! Happy birthday!!!" Nico De Leon

"*slap* advance birthday!" Kim Muniz

"Happy birthday!" Pat Luspo

"Belat! Tanda!!!" Star Jimenez

"Advance...Halloween, akala mo ahh!" Ian Ganhinhin

"advanced happy bday" Ed Ortega

"Batugang bata! Matanda ka na! :P" John Santos

"happy belated!" Lucci Mauricio

"birthday mo na nga pala noh?! masmatanda ka sakin pero masmatangkad prin ako sayo!" Tommy "Tangkad" Manzano

"Happy Birthday! Love You! Muah!" You Know Who!!!

"Dahil sayo walang pasok kaya HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" secret also :P

In connection with my birthday... It has been a ritual that everytime my birthday comes, a storm arrives and eventually classes get suspended. Every year, for 15 years, it has been the same. I never had a birthday wherein it didn't rain. I remember last year that classes were suspended because of the SONA but it also rained. We were trapped in traffic for hours going back home after being annnounced that there is no classes.

This is is another thing and I'm not surprised. But a thing that's different is that the big coincidence with Prayer and My Birthday. Because on Tuesday, July 25, I'll turn 16. On that day, I will be the prayer leader. It also marks the 30th day of classes or the 1st Monthsary of 3K and of course, the 15th month anniversary of me and you-know-who. Wow! 15 months that's 30(30th day of school) divided by two. So I don't know if its a big sign or something. It is my time to change my luck, I hope so. I've been so depressed lately about school and all my extra curricular activies. Hopefully, when I turn 16, everything will change. Now I've learned from my mistakes, all I have to do now is to change those mistakes and live a better life.

Thanks to all those who greeted me and for those who haven't, tsk tsk tsk. Hehehehehe. Thanks to my friend who gave me the passage in the bibile. For a year older than me, it seems that you know A WHOLE LOT of things compared to me. See You Guys! Bye!!!

Homework

2006-07-20T18:07:00.000+08:00

AP: Pagsusulit bukas sa tinalakay. Basahin p. 36-45 (Panahong Heleniko)

Science: Memorize Cations and Anions by Wednesday

Math: Long Test 2 tomorrow.

Computer: Slide Show presentation due tomorrow (short bond paper)

Wanting to Change

2006-07-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

I started the school year wrong. I did everything wrong. I started out by being 3x more lazy that I ever was. I do homeworks in school (which I try to avoid last year). I don't study when I arrive from school. I sleep everytime I'm home. I have terrible grades even though people tell me that I'm lucky enough. I joined the varsity team which took all my time for studying and resting. I don't have time to study because of the trainings. I have a hard time studying when I arrive from school. I'm just so down with myself because of this feeling of discontent with myself. I tried so hard to do well for my Mid Term grades, but I feel so stupid!

AP: C+
Science: C
Computer: C+
Religion: C+
Math: B+
English: C+
Filipino: D

I've never seen so much C's/C+'s in my life! And to top it off with a D in Filipino?! I've never felt this low in my mid-terms ever and even topped of last year when I got an F2 in Music. At least last year I had more B's and B+'s. I feel even pressured because 3rd year grades are the thing college people look at for your entrance thingy. I've pushed myself over the top and still nothing good comes out of it. I want everything in school to change.

No more resting. No more time for miscellaneous stuff. When arriving home, study, study, study! I must double my efforts in volleyball but even triple my school work. I want to see more perfect marks in my quizzes. I got to be serious in this thing in order to go to a good college. I want to make it. I want to show my parents that I can do well in my studies as well as being an athlete. It's so hard to adjust very well. I've been like this before. Every year, during 1st terms, I have low marks. But now, I will change! I want to do better! I can't stand to see another failing quiz. This has got to end! I have to show myself that it is possible to do a lot as well as showing quality work. No more people teasing that I got a LOW score in the Filipino Long Test. I really have what it takes to make it big. The problem is... I just haven't got enough heart.

To That Special Someone Last Summer

2006-07-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

There are 82 letters in here and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer; one a day but I never send them because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. 'Cause it hurt me so bad. I was afraid to be vulernable. And then I was afraid of you and the was you make me feel. And I know that it dosen't matter now after what I did but I just thought that you should know that this is how I spend my summer... wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it.

6,470,818,671

2006-07-13T18:27:00.000+08:00

At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are just evil men that war with good. And some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is ONE.

Homework

2006-07-12T18:26:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the late post.

Math: Summative Quiz tomorrow. Name tag due as well.

Computer: For those who didn't submit the past homework, tomorrow is the deadline people!

AP: The AP-Chacha thing is due tomorrow also.

Filipino: Read Chapter 20-22 (33 pages). Quiz tomorrow!

That's basically all the required things tomorrow! Bye!

Homework

2006-07-11T17:03:00.000+08:00

Science: Answer guide questions.

Religion: Bring magazine.

English: Memorize las stanza of Invictus (p.271). Read questions 5-7 pp. 108-109. Do the even numbers of the excercise on pp. 112-113 in the notebook.

Math: Name tag draft due tom (for those not approved). Summative Quiz tom. Do p. 123 #s 1-9 and 27-29.

Hopefully no one will cram anymore. :D

Missing Matti

2006-07-07T22:08:00.000+08:00

Since the start of classes, I became pretty caught up with my studies and stuff. I had no time to play, except for varsity volleyball practices. There's no time to rest, no time to use the computer, no nothing! Ever since 3rd Year began, I've been busy. I joined the varsity team and had 4 hours removed for my other things to do like rest and study more. And most importantly, I really have a hard time in my relationship with Matti. I really miss her a lot. We barely speak because once I arrive from school, I go straight to studying and doing all that shit for school. When Matti calls in our phone, I have no choice but to put the phone down. Even though its a weekend and I'm expected to rest, I have choir practices so I can't really rest. Too bad for me? Yes and no. Yes in a sense that I don't have more time to spend with Matti. No because this is a time to relax from the stress in school.

I miss Matti a lot. I don't get to speak with her. The only time we enter a conversation is when she logs in in Y!M and we have a simple "hi..hello" chat and that's it. I really miss her. If only.

Moving on, last night, she sent me an email. She told me that Star is one of the highest students in her batch. Good for her! I just wish you the best.

I hope that everything will turn out ok. I guess I have to focus less on volleyball and more on something actually worth doing. Ok. I have a lot to do. I still have to study a new song for our choir. See you guys soon! Bye!

My Top 10 Crushes

2006-07-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

Haay. I miss posting on my blog! This is probably one of the shortest posts that I will make. Hmm. Let me start. This is my TOP 10 CRUSHES! If you guys know who they are post a message on my tagboard (Blogger) or post a reply (Multiply). These are true people and the initials here are the nickname then the family name. If YOU have these kinds of initials, chances are that you are one of them. But, just to be on the safe side, just let me know before spreading any rumour. These are names of real people, not celebrities and stuff.

1) j.s. - my ultimate crush since the 7th grade. source: banjo cordero

2) p.s. - i dunno. it started as a rumor and i dunno. source: frank golla

3) j.m. - hay. this person i really love. even though we are not close. source: none

4) l.s. - rumors can actually come true. this started also as a rumor and sparks flew! people think i have a crush on this person but they don't know that its actually true! source: if given, not a secret anymore. :D

5) f.s. - i just met this person. i wish that person would notice me. source: frank golla

6) m.e. - you guys actually know who she is. starts with M and ends with ATTI. hehehe. source: all people in K08

7) k.m. - just a few people know about this. i had a crush on this person but when i knew that that person is a LOT older than i am, i moved on. but still. source: must be kept secret or else it will be too obvious.

8) m.a. - the person i never got to talk to for a long time. last time i talked to that person was during grade 7 and i never saw that person ever since. i miss that person a lot. oh well. source: star jimenez

9) m.j. - i never got to say 2 words to this person. oh well, move on. source: 1C people especially carlo rosales

10) r.m. - wow. the person who is probably one of the closest i have. really. i never expected it would happen. but it did. so oh well. source: must also be kept secret!

So here's my top 10 crushes. If you guys have any gueses, just reply or tag alright. See you guys. I have to read El Filibusterismo. Bye!!!

I need a break

2006-06-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

3rd year has been pretty hectic. I've only been in school for less than a month but I feel like I've studied for a long time already. I wake up at 5am and arrive school about 6am. I start to study things that I didn't study the day before. FYI, that's a lot! School starts and end by 3pm. After that, we go straight to the covered courts to train for volleyball. We end the tiring work out by 7:30PM. I go home through Juno. I usually stop by Red Ribbon or Pancake House or maybe, if I'm lucky enough, at home. I arrive usually by 8pm and eat for thirty minutes. I study from 9 to 1am. Then I go to sleep. This has been pretty much my routine everyday! And I'm so tired of it. It's all going to change tomorrow.

Once the varsity try-outs result comes out, I'll stop going there and I will distribute 5 hours of my time in sleeping and doing homework. Why you ask? Because I definitely won't pass the try-outs. For me, its not really a bummer because 5 hours can really change a lot in my routine. Before I only study El Filibusterismo and then go to sleep. Now, I have time to do my other subjects. Especially now that the mid term grades are coming out. I'm scared with my midterm marks. Particularly, FILIPINO! El Fili is a not-so-hard novel but the quiz questions are so detailed. Even though the quiz is open-booked, I can't find the answers.

With a lot more pocket of time, I'll be able to relax, have fun. Less stress in my schedule because Friday, Saturday, Sundays I have choir practice so there's nothing I can do about it. I love my choir!

What a big break for me not to have varsity trainings. I just wish all the others good luck. If ever I make it through (which I reallly really really x10000000 doubt), I don't think I would even continue. I just realize what a burden for me to continue with nothing in effect. I'll do a lot of things just for nothing.

I really need a break! I do a lot of things; non-stop. I don't even spend my time to relax and take a time to blog. It is a rare occasion that I blog because I only have 2 homeworks to do. Which is such a miracle. I don't think I'll be able to study for the Math Long Test tonight. Probably, tomorrow morning. I need to slow down and rest. Me, being so busy, has affected a lot. And I don't need to list them down because a lot of you know it by now.

I really have to go now! There's a lot of things to do like the El Fili thing. Sooooo tired from my last practice but it was all worth it! Good luck to you guys! Hopefully I would blog someday. Hehehehe. Bye!!!

Despodency in the Varsity Try-outs

2006-06-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

Probably everybody knows that I didn't pass the Varisty Volleyball Try-outs and for the past few days, I'm still thinking about continuing on Monday. Honestly, I don't want to do anything with the Varsity Volleyball Team after what happened. But some of my friends who actually made it don't want to continue without me. I have to tell something about what happened.

Well, it was a gruelsome try-outs, I must say. I did my very best during the physical fitness part of it. During the ball handling excercise, I even received some compliments from other people who tried out. During the spike-receieve part of the test, Tomie spikes, they receive and we catch the balls. Then Tomie tells the coach that I must be the setter. The coach gave me a try but without being able to play for ages, I didn't compare good enough to the other setters. Then during the recieve part of the test where the coach spikes and I receive, I had a lot of good receives. I even had, I think, the longest rally. And FYI, it was NOT as easy as it seems. He kept on spiking on different directions.

So after 3 hours of doing everything well, for me, the coach makes his picks. He started to name some 2nd year and 1st years. Then he called for JJ and Juno for the 3rd year ones. The slots came less and less until he told us:

Kailangan ko ng kaliwete...[people call my name]...[coach looks at me]...Kailangan MATANGKAD

In the end he picked the only remaining left-hander who tried out. I must admit, he didn't have the skills. But, it's his decision anyways. Then he goes on with telling some other shit that I didn't even understand. Inside, I was really insulted.

I remember in the sign of the try-outs [and also in my past post] that you must be 5'8" tall. This very requirement even had me discouraged in trying out. But after a few speeches by Juno, I decided to go through with it. And that very thing was the reason why I was not picked. For me, it will be ok if I didn't pass because I'm not skilled enough for them. But to fail because of not being tall... such BITCHES to do that kind of thing. There are a lot of skilled athletes who even play better than the tallest person in the team. Even though I'm short, I know I can still do a lot for the team. But, I guess, the coach was really too IGNORANT in choosing his players. That's probably why they had NO wins in the UAAP. They even lost to NU in 3 straight sets. Not to put NU down, but really! Please, such a disgrace. Handling the HS team is different. For 13+ straight years, the Ateneo Juniors Volleyball Team made it to the Finals. Its because they had skill. Like Dulu, he's not that tall but he delivered a lot of points for the team.

This is probably the only reason why I wished that they didn't change the coach. The former HS coach knows how to pick his players. Unlike this one, such a loser!

On Monday, they will be continuing their try-outs and I still really don't know what to pick. My mind tells me why bother trying out again to face rejection twice. The other tells me to go for the sake of Juno and JJ who are discouraged to join because I'm not part of it. I'm leaning on the not going thing, but who knows. I still need a good reason to continue on Monday. If anyone wants to step up, just post it on my tagboard.

I have to go guys. I need a lot of rest because I'm sick. I'll post again after studying tomorrow.

TO JUNO:
Please, for my sake, join the team. Go on without me. I heard about you parents not allowing you until I join the team. What good is it if I'm there? Nothing good comes out of it. And to tell you the truth, you need to go on. It is your time! CARPE DIEM! Seize the day! Grab the opportunity while it is still there. Don't waste it all because I'm not part of it. You're lucky you were picked to use this training to improve on yourself. When I'm not there, you will definitely gain respect for the others who were not picked. I know your bummed out about the coach's picks, me too. But it's something we have to go on and forget. God has a reason why I didn't pass the team. And God has a reason to put you there. So don't waste this opportunity! Please continue on without me. I know you will have a great time and I wish you the luck! You will do well without me. I know that for a fact. So, have fun!

Missing Volleyball

2006-06-20T19:05:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the late post, I have been totally caught up in my classes! It's sooo hard! Third year is 1 million times harder than Second year! I hate it! Tons and tons of HW! Quizzes here and there. I even failed a few of those. Pressured? YES! Scared? YES! A whole lot of people are really pressuring me to reach the honor level again. There's my parents, Star, Matti, some schoolmates; they always really bug me to study sooo hard (not that I'm not studying hard). There's also this pressure to maintain my grades while in the choir. I'm not that good in balancing things. When I was in Grade 7, my grades really plunged when I joined the varsity team. So, it adds to the pressure. Then, another thing that makes me more pressured. The varsity volleyball try-outs!

Ok, I wanted to join the varsity try-outs ever since I started high school. I really wanted to join during 1st year but I decided not to since I must get to adjust while starting high school. Second year, I didn't join because I heard that the coach is soo mean! And he really looks mean, so I got scared. Now in Third year, I am again discouraged to join the varsity team because of the work to be done in Third year. I am so scared! There are a lot of quizzes and stuff. Hopefully, I would be clear in my decision before the actual try-outs come out.

After over 3 months of not playing volleyball, I got to play! I know I played volleyball during the choir outing, but it's not really volleyball. This time, I'm playing with people who know a thing or two about volleyball. No offense! If only it was indoor volleyball during the choir outing, I would've delivered more points. I'm not used to playing in the beach. Anyways, after PE, we played volleyball. It was fun! I got to improve on my spikes! No one actually blocked me. Hehehehe, well, there were some but it went out. I even got to block Gian twice! Hehehehehe. Solo blocks, I might add. I got to improve on my quick setting ability. I got to play with the varsity players which totally was a one-time deal to show off my skills. I missed volleyball very much!!!!

Now, I really wanted to try-out. But when I saw the thing that said that you must be at least 5"8 to join the team, I was insulted! What do you want more: a person who totally does not know how to play but is tall or a person who is really skilled but is short? Being short is no disadvantage. There are a lot of people who are not that tall but really play good volleyball. The Japanese Women's team are not that tall when compared to the other players but they made it up the rankings. This is to show that Ateneo Volleyball team is really not after the skill anymore, it's all about being tall. What good can you get from being tall? It's such an insult. They're just good for blocks.. nothing more! You don't have to be tall to be a setter or a server. You just need the skills. I personally was insulted when I saw that. Because of that, even less people will be trying-out. Height requirements are just for teams that really can't do anything more to win. Well, I don't want to be a libero. And if ever I become a libero, I'll quit in a heartbeat. It's their loss, not mine. I can join another team anytime. I don't need Ateneo Volleyball Team. Too bad for them. I just wish them good luck! They want to be a tall team with no skill, fine by me.

I have to go! I haven't eaten in hours! Bye!!! I'll post another thing later for sure.

Friends

2006-06-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

I am not your friend. Friends come and go, and I definitely won't do that to you. I guess we are more than friends or even best friends. We are more than that, and I never ever want you to be telling people that we are friends. Cause I'm not. Even though we will be thousands and thousands miles apart, we will still continue what we have. I'm not you friend but I'm your.......

- Star Jimenez

I just remember, just less than a week ago, Star told me that same line. The message was a lot longer than that. It's just a part of her e-mail that she sent me when she left. I guess she was at the airplane during that time. If you guys want to know the continuation of that line, don't bother asking me! I really miss Star so much. She's the best "friend" I ever had. With the exception of Paula and Matti, Star is just the one that I consider as the "love of my life." She makes me happy when I'm sad. She helps me with problems. She is the person I tell my secrets to. It's just something that I have got to live with. She's gone and I'm looking for another Star to share stories and secrets about me, my life, my relationship, everything.

Just recently, not really long ago, we had this outing. And I got to meet a person much like myself; troubled, depressed with love, etc. He began opening up to me. He started sharing things that have been going on in his life. Then, I started telling things about myself, just to even out everything. And we made this pact that we won't tell each other's secrets. But, you know, this pact wasn't strong enough. Though he actually didn't tell my friend about this specific story that I told him, it still hurts because there's this thing as "jokes are half meant." Once he "foolishly" acted telling my friend about the story, I felt the lost of trust. But, still, I have to remember, I shouldn't be telling these sensitive issues to other people. There is no one like Star. She's just a hidden treasure chest. Whatever you say, she'll just keep it to herself. I guess she's just one in a million. But oh, well. Life has got to go on like usual.

I know I do the same thing to him. I tried to act out that I told my friend about a story about him. But, it's not as personal as this one. It's totally personal and that my friend was involved in the story. It isin't the right time. I realized that. It's definitely not the right time. I should fix my relationship first before I tell my friend the story. That's how personal it is. And to those who actually get the story already, you will know how personal it really is.

I hope that this thing will be over. I'm not really mad at him. He's just... something. He thinks I'm mad at him, I'm not. It's just, I can't talk to someone after that same person did something so foul that I was hurt by that. So, I'm sorry whoever you are. I hope you get to read this post. It's nothing against you. I'm just telling how I feel. And probably, you know how personal it means to me.

I have to go guys, we have to sing tomorrow. See you! I'll post something tomorrow as well. Bye!!!

Movie Survey!

2006-06-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

I got a lot of time to take a survey.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
( ) My First Mister
( ) The Virgin Suicides

Total: 3/11

( ) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
( ) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total: 5/12

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
(x) American Pie Band Camp

Total: 8/11

(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

Total: 6/10

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots

Total: 9/10

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) King Kong

Total: 6/12

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber

Total: 7/14

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards

Total: 5/9

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
(x) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
(x) the Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask

Total: 9/14

( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Se7en
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Total: 5/13

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss' Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2

Total: 7/12

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) Terminator 2

Total: 6/12

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) Cruel Intentions 3
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total: 14/18

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin

total: 7/11

97!! yippee!!!

Independence Day Part I

2006-06-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

What a way to celebrate Independence Day. We had a gimmick with my choir mates. We planned the whole thing for a week and good thing that the HMTQCC members had no practice scheduled for today. So, we decided on meeting at the Cinemas by 12noon. So I was able to arrive there by 11:50am. Hehehehe. So, I went to the cinemas at first to find no one yet arriving. So I went down to look for cool things to buy.

I entered Rustan's and saw this COOOL Billabong t-shirt. I almost bought it. Except, I just looked at the price tag, I said, "Ate, wag na lang." Hehehehe. It was that expensive. Too expensive for me. I could even buy 2 shirts from Artwork... the most expensive shirts there, I might add. Its a nice shirt, but too rich for my blood.

I also went to Fully Booked and actually wanted to buy this notebook but I remembered that I already bought my notebook. Darn! I went snooping for books and I stumbled upon a book about Adolf Hitler and all about the Holocaust. I remembered that today is our Independence Day. I'll tell you more about that probably tomorrow. So that's alright. Then I received the text from Raymond that they were all there already. So I went to Timezone and I saw them there. Who were there:

1. Raymond
2. Raymond's cousin [don't actualy know his name :D]
3. Dominic
4. Storm
5. Joseph
6. Juilio
7. me..

So we bought ticket for "The Benchwarmers" even though Julio watched it.. as usual. The movie wasn't going to start for an hour so we went to Timezone.

In Timezone, the first thing we did is that we played basketball. I won. hehehehehehe. Julio joined and he lost as well. And then we played Air Hockey. First, I won against Dominic (4-6). Then, I lost to Julio. I won the second round. I think I also won the third round. Then we bought our food. I had to treat ALL of them a drink. Probably because I was the one who invited them. Hehehehe. We watched the movie. It was sooo funny! I love the story. After that, there was still a lot of time left so we went back to Timezone. We watched Julio play "Stacker" it was sooo funny! He almost made it to the Major Prize until he made a mistake. We spent probably P400 just playing that game. Everyone played the game except for Joseph and Raymond's cousin. So it was fun. I didn't even make it to the Minor Prize. Hehehehehehe. Then Storm and I played Time Crisis III. I made it to the 2nd Stage but Storm didn't. After that, we ate.

I had to treat them again because they were about to leave and I am going to be fetched in 2 hours. Just to pass up the time, we ate in Pizza Hut Bistro. This time, we were on a budget! I said that I'm going to treat them P500 and any Peso exceeding that, you have to pay. They accepted it so we ate there. We bought a pizza and fries. The bill was the lowest I had ever! P552 total! I never thought that it would happen. Hehehehe. We left with just 30 mins before I am fetched. Storm, Raymond and his cousin went home already so Joseph, Dominic, Julio and I went back to Timezone. I beat their asses in basketball! Woooh! Except the last one, Joseph's score and mine were even and so I had to leave already. It was a fun day...

Up next, my Independence Day reflection... Bye guys!!!

Finally Leaving the House

2006-06-11T21:55:00.000+08:00

It's been officially a day since I left my house. Its been a tiring day today. First, I woke up extremely early to hear mass. It's been a while since I last heard mass in our parish. It's hard to get used to waking up in the morning and having a quick change of clothes not even fixing my hair and going to our parish. Sadly, it was our priest's last mass in our parish. He'll be moving to Lourdes School of Quezon City and he will be the minister there. So good luck to him. He's a good priest anyways. He wasn't boring unlike some other priests.

After going to mass, I had to sleep. And I woke up 2 hours after and started with my blog again. I had my lunch and they told me that we were going to Greenhills. So I took a bath and changed my clothes. When we left the house, it was raining. We arrived at Greenhills and I accompanied them to buy some bags. After that, we went to my favorite store: e-media. Hehehehehe. I really can't afford the original CDs. Sorry. So I had to buy some pirated ones. I added more CDs to my collection:

1. Josh Groban - Josh Groban
2. New World - Maksim
3. Masters of Chant Chapter 5 - Gregorian Chant
4. Ancora - Il Divo
5. Smooth Escapes - D'Sound
6. Cafe Bossa - Sitti

Bought all 6 for only......P300. Instead of buying only 1 original CD, I bought 6 pirated ones. Hehehehe. This is the Philippines! This is a typical way of life of people who love music. I'm not that rich to buy all original things. Especially in today's time where corruption is leading the country.

Ok. After that, we went around some more and we managed to go to Starbucks. After, we went go Gateway. Not much things to do there. I just accompanied some people go shopping. They are guests from Hawaii. We always have guests from Hawaii. Our house is like a hotel. We welcome a lot of people from Hawaii and we let them stay here until the leave again. Hehehehe.

While in Gateway, I remembered that I am going to Gateway again tomorrow with some choirmates. Darn it! The Ateneans are not coming! 3M boys are said to have a lot of homework and they have to study that's why they didn't come along. Darn!

Anyways, so I while going back home, we managed to encounter a flood. There was even a street which was ssssooooo flooded and there's this car who went through wtih it. So, what happened was that the car was half flooded and I was laughing the whole time. They managed to pass the flooded street and I had fun watching it.

I went home and I finished Chapter 1 of El Filibusterismo!!! Yippee!! 1 down, 5 to go. Ok, I have to continue reading. So, I have to go. Bye!!!!

New Layout!!!

2006-06-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

Yehey! I officially finished my new layout! Kelly Clarkson. FYI: The lines of the header and the signature are lines from her song: You Found Me. I hope you guys like it. I'll be searching other blogs for a link exchange to expand my life so if you want me to link to you, just post a message in my tagboard.

Thanks to Adobe Photoshop, Blogger and Notepad for the layout creation. And Dynamic DHTML Drive for the gradual highlight script.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Do me a favor and please vote for my site for the top site. Its in the affiliate bar. Please vote for me! Thanks!!!!

I will be posting later about something alright? See you guys! Bye!!!

Surviving 2 days of School

2006-06-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! I'm back. So, 2 days of school finished and 152 more, I think. In those 2 days, I have been through a lot already. I met all my teachers already. People tell me that this set of teachers is good with the exception of others. Hehehehe. I don't know but I think that our teachers this year are good! Some are very nice, some look strict but people tell me that they are really nice once you get to know them. That's what I also thought with Mr. Carvajal last year and Mr. San Pedro and they turned out alright. Ok. Here's my checklist since the start of classes until the end of the week.

~~1. Get to know the new students.~~
2. Talk to at least one teacher out of class.
3. Let them know about my cousin; Ate Thea. Hehehehe
4. Let them know about my other 2 cousins.
~~5. Buy a notebook for my notes.~~
~~6. Buy a lock for my locker.~~
7. Pass my first quiz.
~~8. Don't miss a single homework.~~
~~9. Play volleyball on the feild.~~
~~10. Print out my schedule.~~
11. Take one vain pic.
12. Laugh at my ID picture.

Oh well! I managed to get 6/12 in my checklist. Darn! I'm still too bummed to do some of the others. I can't talk to my new teachers just yet. They are just so scary. Take note, I made this checklist before the start of the school year. I never knew I would do more than 4. I managed 6 which is a lot better.

In the 2 days that I've been in school, here is my checklist:

~~1. Be first to arrive.~~
~~2. Put my things in my locker.~~
~~3. Introduce myself to the teacher.~~
~~4. Take a quiz.~~
~~5. Do a HW related to the subject, not related to introducing yourself.~~
6. Get a post/jug.
~~7. Loose a ballpen~~

Well, that's pretty much it. I can't remember anymore the other things I wrote in my checklist before. 6/7. Not bad. I never had any intention of getting a post or jug so I'm proud I haven't done that. Ok guys, I have to go! I still have a take-home quiz to do in computer. Bye!!!

You'll Never Walk Alone

2006-06-06T20:41:00.000+08:00

When you walk, trough the storm, hold your head up high. And don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of the strom, there's a golden sky and a sweet silver song. Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain. Walk on with hope in your heart.

This song has been inspiring me throughout everything that has been going trough my life. First, about Star leaving to go to the states. That day has been very gloomy. I felt I was really alone. I had no one to share my hurt, my feelings and everything. I just felt sooo lonely. I have a hard time keeping everything to myself. Well, I've been through that for the past 12 years before I met Star. Now, I'm just adjusting to my old lifestyle. She's been gone already for the past 4 days and I already miss her so much. This has been pretty much one of the reasons I haven't gone online. I'm still so depressed and my feelings are just running wild. Hearing stories from friends about their sobbing love lives and how they cope and try to live as normal as they can, I am inspired to do the same.

And second, the start of classes tomorrow. Am I sure that I'm ready to meet back with my classmates and continue studying? After what I have been going through, will I be able to be as efficient as I have done before? Am I really ready to face my biggest past alone. Having no one to share my feelings, am I really ready to face them alone?

I'm back to the cage that I'm in again. After somewhat years of being free and happy to live, I'm back to where I've been in the start. Well it's something to be used to again. My feelings just kept to myself again and there's no one to share it with. There's not another Star that is just the trust-worthy to keep my secrets and feelings with. I may not tell all my feelings here, I'll still find a way to release all my anger and depression.

Everyday, when I wake up, I will just think that Star is always beside me, lending an ear and saying the things that I should do to go back to normal. Hey. I know I am not alone. And I don't intend to. There's still someone out there ready to listen and give me advice and that is... God.

Controversies

2006-06-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

Some things are best to kept hidden when no one cared or cares about it. Some things are meant to be kept hidden especially if it is about another person.

Words of Wisdom by Ryan Sordan

Why are there such things as controversies? It will not only ruin your friendship, but it will also ruin the way people look at you. Once you have an issue or something like it, it will definitely change a certain part of your life. It will affect your friendship someway or another. It will never be the same thing ever again.

But what's different in the story is that, the person who spreads out these rumors is the person who is the least person that is close to you. That person feels that since his "not-so-good friend" is in the spotlight, he will do everything to steal the spotlight from that person. He would tell lies and a whole lot of rumors just to get off the spotlight. He would feel as if he and the person involed were really close and that he knew everything about the person involved. This is really sickening. A person who acts to be your friend just to share or even grab the attention away really bugs me. And the thing that really hurts is that that guy's rumor was actually believed by the people that he told the rumor to. Now, everything is a mess. It's hard to fix a rumor, you know.

Now, what did that have to do with me? Hmm... There's this person I know, who is really bugging me. And because of a simple gesture, that person acts as if we were close friends. And now, that person is actually spreading rumors about something that concerns me. Its hard to fix because that person has a lot of friends, and I mean a lot. And it's hard to fix those kinds of things because they wont believe you; they would just believe what their friend says.

This kind of things really makes it hard for something to be united. Everytime a rumor gets started, someone... and I mean someone will get hurt. Hence, there will be no unity in a group. I just wish that everything will turn out fine once I clear my name. But the thing is? What is the controversy about me? I'm not even sure what those people are telling about me. I don't know who to believe. But all I know is that, the truth will really come at the end of all this. And that, everything will be resolved. Of course, there will still be that less trust in that person.

Goodbye Without Actually Saying Goodbye

2006-06-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

You're all that I've ever known. When you smile on my face, all I see is your glow. You turned my life around. You picked me up when I was down.

Waaaaahhh!!! Why does this always happen when I just happen to be close to someone? I met you like years ago, even before her. We became friends. We were even more than friends. We became really close siblings. We shared each other's stories. I told you about my life; having someone, losing, recovering, loving again. You know all about it. It took me such a long time to realize that you were pretty much the closest friend I ever had. We never fought. You were always right beside me. You were just one call away everytime something happens. You were my sister. You were my shoulder. I became one of your closest guy friends. I listened to your stories about you and your friend. I became your best friend. You were mine too. We were practically inseparable. You became the little sister that I never had. I just wanted the best for my little sister...everything, I would do for you.. just to make you happy.. like what a big brother should do to you.

Does it really have to end like this? It's really depressing. You could've told me earlier. I could've said goodbye properly. Not just a simple Y!M message. I know that saying goodbye is the hardest thing you have to go through... I know. But, if you do it right, then, you would have no worries. There's no wondering why. There will be no regrets. But, there's nothing that we could do. We can't turn back time.

All I want to tell you is that, I'll miss you very much. You have become my best friend and one of the most adorable girl I've met my whole life. I wish you good luck in America. Hope that you won't forget me. Cause I'll definitely won't forget you. You changed my life. Without you, I would've probably been a rebel already. Hehehehe. I'll just look at the bright side and that it is for the best. And all I wish for you is the best. Hope you could visit me. Don't forget that! I'll miss you. I love you my little sister!!!! Muah!!! Bye!!!

Big Surprise

2006-06-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, it was time to get our textbooks. I woke up early and we went to Ateneo. When we arrived, I joined with Juno to sign up for our Immersion. We went with GK at Payatas Trece on August 9-10. It will be fun because I will have a lot of friends when we go there. After that, we went to get our textbooks. It took us a while but eventually, we got there. Then we left. I really thought we were going home already because I really left my stuff for the choir at the house. And I was thinking that after the textbooks thing, I will be going home and go straight to Immaculate Conception Cathedral. But, my dad made a turn and we went to SM North Edsa. I was like, "Why are we here?". Then they told me that they're going to buy me a new cellphone! I really can't believe it because I was joking the other day about buying a new phone. I didn't know that they really meant it. So it was really unexpected!!! And I was excited in a sense. Hehehehehe. We searched the whole Annex building to look for a N70 phone. And we did, eventually. I left my things for the choir practice at home and there was no more time left so I went straight to Cubao.

Once I arrived, Manay was there to tell me that they really were not able to find the phone. It was ok. And the other kids asked me stuff bout the phone. I just told them that it's alright and God has a reason for it. And we continued the practice. It was very rigorous. And I'm starting to like it. The other youth girls were called to practice some songs with us and we had a lot of fun after. And we were just so close. We are like best friends already. I don't know with the other members but hopefully, they will be able to catch up. I just still have a lot of stories that I found out but I can't because of the code of silence. Hehehehe. So, that's probably it for today. I keep on blogging every once a while. But once school starts, I'll blog more often.

Choir Outing

2006-05-30T16:11:00.000+08:00

"Huwag magkakalat ng issue na hindi pa confirmed"

-Julio Datu

Bonding Moments...

Hey guys! Last Sunday we had the Hail Mary the Queen Children's Choir Annual Outing. So I woke up extremely early. I was already awake by 5AM. FYI: That was the earliest I woke up during the entire summer. So I got ready and we left by 6AM. I met with the other choirmates at the Sarmiento's. We left there a little past 7AM. In our van: Tito Ulan, Ian, Jeff, Me, Alexis, Isabel, Shaira, Kenneth, Lea, Kevin, Jerwin. It was a fun journey going there. But the zig-zag part of the journey was soooo nausiating [sickening]. We arrived there at 12PM and we went straight by the pool and ate there. Then we went to our rooms and stayed there to cool ourselves from the very hot weather. And we then played beach volleyball. When we went back to our apartelle, I was soooo tanned. And we just played for a while. So I decided to wear sun block before the sportsfest began. So after, we went back and played until before you knew it, the sportsfest began.

It was extreme nerve-wrecking playing beach volleyball. I have a hard time jumping because of the sand. It's sooo different from what I was used to. And... Everyone who watched, my teamates, opponents really expected me to step up. Sir Jude (our team captain), assigned me the setter so I have the advantage to run around the whole court without being noticed. Our first game.. the most nervous game of all. I was soo nervous because everyone really wanted me to step up. But, what happened? I was put a lot of pressure so I didn't play that well. It was a close game. I had my own share of aces and kills. But, we lost. 12-10. How I wished that the game was at least extended to 15 but there was not enough time. It was fun. But the second game was the best of all. If in the first game, I was pressured, in the second game, none at all. So, I stepped up and delivered a lot of kills and I was able to get a good kill out of an unexpected set from Jeff. We sailed through the game. 12-3. That was fun. Then there was the relay. Now, this is for the little kids so I didn't join. We just went to the apartelle to cool ourselves and relax for the next sport. After that, we went to the swimming pool. Now, people... believe me!!!

I hate swimming!!!!

Sir Jude let me swim which I really didn't want to be in a swimming contest. So. I was forced to swim. And I was the slowest player around. I really didn't want to swim in a contest. But swimming, I can handle. Amazingly, Julio was sooooo fast!!! I didn't know that he was in a swimming team. So, even though I was so slow, the last two swimmers were extremely fast. So we ended up getting 2nd. It was fun. Then we just swam for fun. Which was what I was used to. There, we bonded and told stories and stuff. Then, Ate Kim suffered a case of cramps which was eventually healed. Then we ate dinner. I wasn't really used to eating with my hands so I lost my appetite. Then, when we went back to the apartelle, I ordered crispy sisig and Thai fried rice. I didn't know that they served a lot! I was not able to finish everything so when Julio, Raymond and Joseph went by our room, I gave it to them. Hehehehe. They finished it.

Bonding Moments with Julio, Joseph and Raymond
While Julio was eating the food I ordered, I told him that there's this secret that a friend of mine told me. So he said what and we went to the benches and we talked. I told him the story and he shared more. A lot happened during that discussion. We talked almost every inch of his high school life in Xavier. It was sooooo funny/dramatic. But the stories were most of the funny side. I can't tell those because we made the code of silence. Hehehehe. Then after 2 hours, Joseph and Raymond joined us. While we were talking, the two appeared and they too shared a lot. Well, Joseph shared more than Raymond. He kept on saying "Wala" the whole time. The two didn't reach my stories so Julio shared them to the two. Oh well. It was a fun bonding moment. Then we went to the appartelle and then the others (Jerwin, Jeff, Ian) decided to join us. Then all of a sudden, Lucci, Lala, Pat joined us as well but they eventually went back to their rooms. So since it was just us guys left, we went to our room and talk. The day ended at 2AM and we all went to sleep

DAY 2
I woke up at 7AM because Lucci, Lala and Pat were noisy in waking up Ian. Then, the others started waking up. Then we ate in Tita Dina's room and we went swimming, basketball and all the works. Before you knew it, it was time to leave. We went in the van and went through the zigzag road and my cellphone fell and we can't find it and oh well. It was a great ending though. I got to admit! It was one of the best outings this summer. Too bad it had to end early and I had to loose my phone. Oh well. The plus side, I have another phone to use. It is acutally a private phone. That's where my friend and I talk. But, since I have no more phone, I have no choice. Another plus side, my dad told me he'll buy me a new one. But the thing that I'm really bummed about is my contacts. I have a lot of contacts in that sim! Now, I have to start all over again. If anyone wants my number, just IM me in YM alright. Have to go guys!!!

Memories of You

2006-05-27T07:12:00.000+08:00

You were such more than a memory. Guess you were such more than a memory. So don't close the door on what's still can be. Cause your so much more than a memory.

- More than a Memory: Hoobastank

We started off as friends. The kind of friends that just smile or wave their hand when they say hello. We were the kind of friends that acts like they don't know each other but really, we text each other. The cellphone has been my only way of communicating with you. I can never talk to you in real life. I can never say hi to you when we meet. Maybe its because that you move away. When we meet, we are like a magnet with the same charges. We move away from each other. It feels so hard not talking to you. A few years back, we would even talk in the driveway and laugh about stuff since your house was near a relative of mine. I even remember a time when I was sleeping in my car, then you woke me up and I knew you lived so close all these years and you never told me. I remember all those memories. I don't know why I remember all those. Maybe its because that you were my friend. I mostly remember a lot of memories from friends. But among all those memories, you were different. You were a lot different from all of the other friends that I have. You were a lot more special. You and I were really being close. But, as we all know it, this thing happened. And we started being strangers. It's hard for me to move on. It's a lot easier being said than done. You and I were never different. We were on the up and up and then, boom. Nothing more. I just wish that everything that has happened will never forget our minds. Cause all I have are memories of you...

Don't

2006-05-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

Don't say I love you. Don't say you love me. Don't say I trust you. My heart can't take it. Don't say you want me. Don't say you miss me. Don't hurt me. Don't say you love me.

This song is by Kelly Clarkson. This will hopefully be in a track in her new album. And this songs speaks a lot.

Is there really more between us or are we meant to be stuck in this insane situation that we have been in for the past weeks. Am I ready to continue this thing with you? For the past few weeks, we have been away and every night I cry about you. I know you do too. Do we continue to go on like this? Or is it time to end it all? Its hard to continue. But I'm afraid about being alone again. You were just one of the persons that saw me behind all these things that are visible on the outside. Our relationship has been on a roller coaster ride and just recently I remember we were going smoothly. Now, its all different. We had lesser phone calls, we chat to a minimum, we pretty much haven't seen each other for a long time having the fact that we are actually "closer" than people think. I really wish everything will turn out fine once my mind has been cleared up a bit.

For the past few days, some people probably recognized that I was in a bad mood or I really did not have time to do work. I am pretty much depressed. And it is a rare event that I show my real emotions. It's a really big deal because I have been thinking more than I should I have been. I started looking at some songs and I found this song by Kelly Clarkson, and somehow, I can relate to this song. There are really times that I wished I never had to go through this again.

I just remembered what happened before. I had been in this situation. And the outcome? Let's just say that the emotions were flowing. I don't want that to happen again. I was in this mess before and I did the wrong thing. And now, I'm back to the same problem and I must do something differently so as not to end up with the same result. I want us to be happy and how can I do that? Everything just seems like a blur to me. Hopefully, I'll find out the remedy when I wake up.

Day of Music

2006-05-21T22:56:00.000+08:00

Wow! Today has been such a fun filled world of music! I got up at 8AM to hear mass. And there was this annoucement that the Sta. Teresita Parish Chorale is going to have a concert to fund for their trip to Hong Kong to compete in the Choir Olympics. I remember the Hail Mary the Queen Children's Choir going to the Choir Olympics and winning the competiton. I wish them the best. Hope that they win.

In other news, I tried to get the file of High School Musical in my ipod. My friend placed it as a file from their computer so as not to overwrite the songs. When I connected the ipod, it automatically started updating! I wasn't prepared to since I only had 300 songs as compared to 1326 in the ipod. So the songs overwrited... big deal? I had to download more songs and managed to download 200 more today. Thank God for a fast connection. I was online for 8 hours.

Finally, to end the day, I had to watch the movie that made me loose all my songs in my ipod, High School Musical. I'll give you my critiques some other time. I have to go. Bye!!

Philippine Idol

2006-05-19T22:02:00.000+08:00

For the past 2 days, I have been making a blog on the Philippine Idol. And I have been pretty busy with it in those 2 days. I decided that I must finish the blog layout today. So, I told my parents to wake me up when they are about to leave for Antipolo. Trust me, they leave very early. I started planning the night before and I finished by 3AM. I decided to sleep and wake up and finish the blog before I leave for my classes. They woke me up at 5 in the morning. Wow! 2 hours of sleep! Then I went straight to my computer to find some pictures of Idol winners and some pictures of them. And I ended up with what is seen on the blog. I finished the whole layout in 5 hours. Too long right? It took me an hour to look for infos about who the judges will be and try to get pictures of Idol Winners. Then I changed it to American Idol Winners because it took me a long time. That took me another hour. Then I had to change the HTML. And the long list continues. I tried to promote the blog in idolforums.com and I try as much as possible to spread the word. So if you guys want to be posted in the links, just message in my tagboard.

Visit the blog at http://philippineidol-mania.blogspot.com vote and comment alright? I have to go. I'm sleepy. Bye!

Goodbye Elliott!

2006-05-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

It's official. The last eliminated idol in the hit series American Idol has been announced. Elliott Yamin sings his last note in the AI stage. Richmond, Virginia's vote for the next American Idol has been ousted last night. He became the darkhorse in this competition and a lot were a bit surprised when they knew that Elliott even made it to the Top 3. America's [rumored] favorite, Chris Daughtry, expected to win this competition hands down but that didn't happen. A different scenario happened with Elliott. It seemed like he expected that he was the one who will leave this time. Elliott's biggest fan, Paula Abdul gave him a standing ovation as he sang his final song, "Moody's Mood for Love".

But this didn't stop Elliott's fans from speaking their mind about his departure. His fans were outraged as they thought that he would be the sole survivor in this competition. Being that he was not noticed during the Final 3 week, fans thought that he had less TV exposure which caused less votes than expected. Is this really the reason? We'll probably never find out. What we all know is that Elliot lost by 0.2% of the vote. Tough luck for Yamin.

And now, the final 2 contestants are named: Katharine McPhee and Taylor Hicks. Both will be singing next week in the awaited Kodak Theatre which is home of the Oscars. McPhee and Hicks will be battling it out for the title of "American Idol 5 winner". Who will it be? Just 7 more days till the finale!

"And the winner of American Idol 2006 is......."

Missing "Da Vinci Code"

2006-05-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

What does it take to watch the "Da Vinci Code"? What did the movie have to do with our faith? The movie is mainly a movie. Nothing more. Why has the movie been rated R18? In other countries, the movie is a PG13 or R16. Are the Filipinos too scared in what the movie will do to Christians? Well. A movie is just a movie. It's an opinion of a writer. It dosen't mean that if a famous novel-turned-movie is real. Some parts are probably made up to make the story look spicy and interesting to read. That was definitely the mission of Dan Brown as he started writing the "Da Vinci Code". That was the intention of Dan Brown. He never expected this much attention in his novel. He made the story a little bit more spicy to read. It dosen't mean that everything is real.

I never actually read the book. But because of news across the world, I have pretty much gotten the zest of the movie. It's about Jesus and Mary Magdalene having a baby and stuff. Something also was mentioned about the Knights Templar. And about a chapel in Rome. Something also about the Holy Grail. But, somehow, I never got to combine every piece in the puzzle and how these different stories were connected in any way. Also involved was a famous artist named Leonardo DaVinci. So that's probably everything I know about the book.

I also watched the documentary about the book. And to me, Dan Brown really made some parts up. There was actually some conflict with the resources that Brown used to make the book. In the documentary, the some of the book's references showed nothing of what Brown claimed. This is what made me speculate the book. And for me, the book was a hoax. It's just a story about Robert Langdon, a symbologist and his discoveries. And that's it. Nothing more.

Probably the people in the board had a different opinion with me about the book. They think that the book is a threat to our religion. But is this an opportunity to test our faith? This is the right chance to prove how strong is our commitment to the Lord. Whether or not this movie will change our view in the Church, we can prove to them that we have enough knowledge to prove and decide what to believe in.

But, on the other hand. Not showing the movie will make the Filipinos more curious about the movie. It will increase they're urge to watch the movie. They will do what it takes to see what's too controversial about the movie. Some will download it over the computer or some will buy pirated copies. This is probably an uglier scenario. So, that's what they want, that's what they will get.

Into the Rush - Aly and AJ Michalka

2006-05-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

RATING:3.5/5

ON THE COVER
Let's start with the cover. Aly looks uglier in the picture. She's a beautiful girl. I think there should be more light. AJ dosen't do well with the shadow effect in the cover. They didn't blend. If they are singing punk/rock songs, they're outfit in the cover has to be punk-ish or should show more attitude. Adding flowers was not a good idea as well. Rock songs and flowers just dosent mix. The font works (Aly & AJ) but the "Into the Rush" was not nice.

ON THE SONGS
This album is a little rockish type. There are some tracks in the album wherein the songs became "over-sung". There is no order with the songs. Rock in the first, then mellow in the second, and back to rock in the third. There's no order with the song. It's a good thing Aly and AJ have good voices. This made the album work for them.

BETWEEN THE LINES
The songs have good messages in it. I like the formation of the songs. It shows emotion at the same time it delivers a good message in it. Some of the tracks tell a story which is good. And a lot of the songs are easily remembered.

MUST HEAR
Rush - track 1
Something More - track 4
Protecting Me - track 11
Do You Believe In Magic - track 13
Walking on Sunshine - track 14

iTunes update

2006-05-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

I just added some songs after I last posted because I thought that I would not donwload anymore for today. So, here are the latest additions:

Albums downloaded:
Still Not Getting Any... - Simple Plan
Speak - Lindsay Lohan
American Idiot - Green Day
A Little More Personal (Raw) - Lindsay Lohan
I Am Me - Ashlee Simpson
Unplugged - Alicia Keys

Songs downloaded since the last post: 76 songs
Total songs downloaded: 269

iTunes Update

2006-05-17T21:51:00.000+08:00

Albums downloaded for the past 2 days:
Metamorphosis - Hilary Duff
Hilary Duff - Hilary Duff
In This Skin - Jessica Simpson
PCD - Pussycat Dolls
What's Left of Me - Nick Lachey
American Idol - Katharine McPhee performances
American Idol - Chris Daughtry performances

Songs downloaded for the past 2 days: 91
Total songs downloaded: 193

iTunes update

2006-05-15T22:19:00.000+08:00

Albums downloaded:

Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge - My Chemical Romance
Disney Mania
Disney Mania 2
Disney Mania 3
Into the Rush - Aly & AJ Michalka

Songs Downloaded today: 70
Total Songs Downloaded: 102
Total Space: 454.8MB

Albums to be downloaded tomorrow:
Metamorphosis - Hilary Duff
Hilary Duff - Hilary Duff
One Love - Kimberley Locke

Mission Impossible

2006-05-15T18:41:00.000+08:00

No, this is not the misson impossible with a friend but its the real movie. I got to watch Mission Impossible 3 last night. So, I went to Immaculate Conception to meet up with some choirmates. When I arrived, Jeff, Jerwin, Julio, Storm and Tito Ulan were there already. Joseph and Sir Jude and Ate Thess also joined after and we went to Rockwell.

We arrived there and we bought tickets for MI3. There was still time before the movie started so we went to Fully Booked to hang out. We stayed there and I bought a Mother's Day Letter for my aunt. It was fun. Then we went to the movie house.

MI3 was nice. Very dramatic. There were a few funny points because Jeff kept on commenting and it was really funny. "Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall... to fetch a pail of water." Hahahahaha. I laughed practically the whole movie. After that, we ate at Burgoo. I was too shy to eat because Tito Ulan paid for everything and the prices were more than P200 each entree. I ate only a half of a salmon and one slice of ham, I think. So it was a fun day. We went back to ICC and went home.

It was a fun day. Not only did I have a good time, but the choir bonded a lot! The Ateneo-HMTQCC gap was probably gone already. It was a moment to be close with each other and we learned a lot from each other as well. No one was out of place and everyone of us definitely had a great time.

Favor from Gelo and from Mikee as well

2006-05-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

This is a work made by Gelo. He's making a plea to vote for Mikee Lee, a batchmate of mine in the Ateneo. So, grab your cellphones and text!

iTunes update

2006-05-14T23:39:00.000+08:00

Songs downloaded as of Today:

Long Time Coming - Oliver James
Ride of Your Life - John Gregory
I Wanna Be Bad - Willa Ford
You Get Me - Michelle Branch

Destiny's Child Songs:
Girl(2)
Bad Habit
T-Shirt
If
Through With Love
Cater 2 U (2)
Is She the Reason
Love
Half-Life
Lose My Breath(2)
Free
Stand Up For Love
Independent Women Part I
Survivor
Check on It
Soldier (2)
Jumpin, Jumpin
Say My Name
Emotions
Bug A Boo
No, No, No Part II
Feel the Same Way I Do

A total of 32 songs and 138MB downloaded in 2 hours. I had to download 2 because there were 2 albums with the same song. So I had to download it twice. Tomorrow, I will be probably be downloading some songs from All American Rejects or My Chemical Romance. See ya guys soon. Bye!

Poseidon

2006-05-14T22:36:00.000+08:00

Wow! Yesterday, Juno, Alfred and I went to Gateway to have some fun because its been a long time since we went out together. So I woke up at 9am while I was supposed to meet Juno at 11am. I was in the computer when suddenly, I got a call from Juno if I could leave earlier because his parents will be coming along with us. So I hurriedly took a bath and changed my clothes. It was sooo cold outside so I decided to wear a jacket. It took me a long time than expected so I told Juno to go ahead and we will just meet.

I left the house at 11am. Then we met with each other. Alfred was already there and they were going up to buy some tickets. I accompanied them in taking Poseidon tickets. Then we played Air Hockey in Timezone and before you knew it, the movie was about to start and I had to go to Immaculate Conception and go to our choir practice.

So I went to the LRT station and I thought the big machine didn't accept P50's so I went over to the counter and asked for changes. I waited a very long time and when it was my turn, the lady told me that the machine accepts P50's. I was so embarrased. Whahahaha. So when I went over the machine, I placed my P50 and I also pressed my destination. The other hard part, keeping all the change. I had 50, the ride was 14, 50-14=36. P36 worth of change flowed through and it seemed like I had a jockpot in a slot machine. Whahahaha. So when I went upstairs, I just barely missed the LRT! Damn! I had to wait for 7 mins just for the LRT to arrive again. So I stayed in a corner and actually prayed. TRIVIA: It's my first time commuting on my own! When the LRT arrived, I went there and stayed on the pole. I arrived in the Betty Go station and went down to see no tricycles to bring me to the ICC building! So I had to walk!

While walking through the rain [drizzle], I actually slipped because the slope was unexpectedly slippery. Then I saw a tricycle but it was a bit too late because I was near the building already. But, what the heck! I rode it anyways. When I arrived at the building, I rushed through the eleveator. Then the guard told me that there was no one there. I was bummed out. So I had to leave. Then I saw a cab. I went back to Gateway.

When I went there, I bought my mom a Mother's Day present. And also bought this month's issue of Chalk. And I rushed again up to the cinemas hoping I didn't miss much of the movie that Juno and Alfred watched. I bought a ticket and they told me that the show was non-refundable because the show started 15minutes ago. And I was so in a hurry. I just went and bought the ticket. It was fun! The movie was great! I loved it. Then, we met up again with Juno's parents to go to Ateneo to watch Shakey's Vleague.

When we arrived there, we got good seats. And watched the Ateneo game. Unfortunately, Ateneo lost its fourth straight game and just lost its chances in making it to the Semi finals. So we left after that and went to Juno's house. When we arrived, there was no electricity. So what did we do? We ate with his sister and siblings. Watch Drawn Together. Hahahaha. We both laughed a lot at the show. Then the electricity went back. We went upstairs to his parent's bedroom and used the computer. Hehehehe. Then my cousin picked me up and brought my cousin to a debut. After that, we went to Starbucks and went home. It was a fun but tiring day.

Thank God for Rain!!!

2006-05-12T11:39:00.000+08:00

These past few days, it has been raining non-stop. What a great time to end the summmer. It has been sssooo hot the whole time and now, its raining! Its a really nice time to have rain. It keeps the summer sooo cold. And I just love cold weather. It relaxes you mind. And of course, it makes you sleepy. I just want to sleep all day. Woooh! Now, what I have been doing for the past few days? Hmm.. well, I did the finishing touches to the Ateneo Volleyball and its forum. Please visit the site and register in the forum. Just to increase the traffic there a bit. Its almost finished.

I'll post again later after classes alright? Bye!

Americn Idol Predictions

2006-05-11T11:01:00.000+08:00

Hello! Sorry for not posting these past few days. I'm busy spreading the word: the Ateneo Volleyball site. http://www.ateneo-volleyball.rules.it it took me a long time to spread the word. So I've been preoccupied with that.

So, I watched American Idol last night and here are my predictions:
(1)Taylor Hicks - did well!! Pretty entertaining.
(2)Elliott Yamin - among all the 4 contestants, he did the best! It was his best ever, I should say.
(3)Katharine McPhee - It was an off night but I think the guy votes will be with her.
~~(4)Chris Daughtry - Good. But not excellent.~~

Have to go continue the site alright. Bye!

Is This Tagaytay??!! part II

2006-05-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

So when we arrived there, it was scorching hot!!! I wore a black shirt and pants and rubber shoes because I thought we were going to Tagaytay. When we arrived there, I was already sweating! Hahahaha. We had a discussion whether or not we should take the room available and stay overnight. They said yes so we stayed there. It was P350 per person and we were like 12, I think. So my cousin and I went to swin in the beach and took some photos as well. Hehehehe. After that, we went back to the room and rested. We played Pusoy Dos and I won some hands. Hehehehe. After that, we went back to the beach. I had some picture moments... so did they. And we just had fun swimming. We went back to the room to get ready to leave while the others will stay overnight. So I rushed to change my clothes and we left the resort at 7pm. We arrived back at 10pm. Once we arrived, I went straight to bed and slept.

Never in the whole trip did I regret not going to mass. Except the times when they teased me about going there. Hahahaha. So it was a really fun experience. Hehehehe. I took this picture during the sunset while the battery of the camera was down to 1 min. Hehehehe. Its looks sooo cool!!! There are more photos in my gallery. Visit it and post some comments. http://rqsordan.multiply.com Ok, I have to post again later. Bye!!!!

Is This Tagaytay??!!

2006-05-08T10:07:00.000+08:00

So, after contemplating on which to choose between going to Tagaytay or go to mass with my choirmates. Well, I decided on going to Tagaytay. So I woke up early to fix my things and prepare myself. It was a long drive through the SLEX and through the fields just like a typical field. And this is a three-hour drive so what can I do but listen to my iPOD. And we went by my classmate's house there and I remember every part of Tagaytay that we went. And the car just kept on going.. and going.. and going.. and I was eager to go down the car because we're already in Tagaytay and I want to feel the cool air and see the Taal Volcano. And the van just kept on going straight and before I knew it, there was the arc that says, "Thank you...". I was like, "We just went passed Tagaytay!!!" We already going straight and went to Nasugbu, I was so pumped to go to Tagaytay but we actually went to Nasugbu. And Nasugbu has this resort called Cabin Cove.

part II..... later

Surveys

2006-05-07T00:00:00.000+08:00

I took some surveys to let me fall asleep and here's what I got:

Your Dating Purity Score: 85%

You are an innocent dater.
You're either lacking in dating experience or have had a long serious relationship.
Either way, there's still plenty of fish in the sea out there for you to sample!

Dating Purity Test

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is medium.
You tend to be the one with more power.
You aren't a total control freak in relationships..
But of course you don't mind getting you way!

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

You Are Mountain Dew

Ultra hyper and full of energy, you're on a permanent sugar high.
Some people complain about your taste, but the do appreciate your power.

Your best soda match: Coke

Stay away from: Root Beer

What Kind of Soda Are You?

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed
Unsettled
Cool

Mood Ring Generator

Your Birth Month is July

Introspective and intense, you tend to be a deep thinker.
You are quiet and spiritual - and you have a unique perspective on life.

Your soul reflects: Lightness, luck and an open heart

Your gemstone: Ruby

Your flower: Larkspur

Your colors: Green and red

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

You Should Weigh 141

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.
If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

Your Eyes Should Be Blue

Your eyes reflect: Innocence and sweetness

What's hidden behind your eyes: A calculating mind

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Your Birthdate: July 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech.

In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek.

It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with.

Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots!

Your strength: Your unfailing logic

Your weakness: Loving machines more than people

Your power color: Tan

Your power symbol: Pi

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Maroon 5 Shares Your Taste in Music

See their whole playlist here (iTunes required)

Which Musician (or Group) Shares Your Taste in Music?

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list.
You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year.
Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good.
Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

Your Musical Tastes Match: Jennifer Garner

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

I'm so exhausted. Got to sleep. Bye!!!

Tagaytay or Mass?

2006-05-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

I really don't know which to choose.

Going to Tagaytay. positives: If I go to Tagaytay, I'll be with my family. I will be able to relax and have a good time. I won't suffer from the heat. negatives: I will be sooo left out in the choir and I will have a hard time catching up because I won't attend practices during the weekdays because of my classes in SEP. My dad will kill me if I miss another SEP class. I will not be able to improve if I don't go to practices especially in the weekdays. Its really going to be hard.

Going to Mass.positives: I will be able to keep up with the choir. I won't be left out. I will improve in terms of performance. I will be able to hear mass. I will be able to keep up at least a little more. negatives: I won't be with my family. I miss Tagaytay and I want to feel cool. I want to relax and have a good time.

I tallied up all your votes and comments. I received some replies in which I should choose. And I promised myself that whatever the result of this is then I will follow. Tagaytay: 15 votes. Mass: 10 votes. That means.... haaay. I'm going to Tagaytay. And hope that I will not waste it. And I hope that I won't have any regrets in making this decision. Haaay! I hope I made the right one.

To Pass Up The Time

2006-05-06T14:15:00.000+08:00

Wow! I'm so bored right now. I made this post mainly because I want to use my time in making this post because there is still 2 hours before I leave the house. Hehehehe. So last night, as you all know, I had a bonding session with my friend. And we probably went to our personal life. And I learned something that I never expected to happen. Everything that I wished for her and him happened already and I missed it! And everything went by so fast that I never expected that they have been through what I call "phase 1" in a relationship.. the acceptance part. And the ending that I wished for them did not happen but the opposite of it happened. So, we ended talking about our own teleserye stories by 1:30AM. I logged off and I tried to think about some things... and something came to mind. I remember that this thing also happened between me and you-know-who. And I knew that our story ended different. Obviously. But eventually I wish them luck and I'll do my best to help them.

I was able to sleep at 2:30AM thinking about what happened to them. Especially the story during an event. It was soooo sweet. Really, when I heard about that story, I was sad for her. Everything went well and then that happened. Aww... How depressing. But, cheer up, girl! I'll never give up.

My Insomnia went back. For the past few days, I kept on sleeping late. Just when I thought that I'm cured, it went back. Aww. Then I woke up, at 9:30AM. No matter what time I sleep, I always wake up at 9:30AM. Hehehe. And then, I go online. Hehehehe. It dosen't seem right when I don't go online for at least 30mins. Hehehehe. But there's a really big problem with my internet connection. I kinda hate it, but still I'm thankful that I have DSL. Hehehe. Oh yeah! I forgot:

Happy Birthday Tita Menchu!!!!

And we ate downstairs because there's a party. It's my tita's birthday!! Her whole family is downstairs and I'm shy to go downstairs so I went to the other house to eat. Hehehehe. There's just a lot of people there.

I have good news to Reg and Alexis... I didn't cut my hair. Its too late already to go to Bench FIX. Because if I go, I might be late for the call-time in the choir. [Yess!! Call time!!! Asenso!!!] So, I had to postpone my haircut to tomorrow. But I'm sure that I'll have a haircut before I go to classes on Monday. So later, 4pm, I have to go to Immaculate Conception to meet up with the choirmates and go to Mary the Queen Parish to hear mass. And we'll be home by 7:30PM. So I really have no more time to have a haircut. Bummer. It's soooo hot!!!!

They told me that tomorrow, we might be going to Tagaytay. I'm not sure but I hope so! It's so hot here. Tagaytay at least is cooler. Hehehehe. But, we're [AMBC] hearing mass tomorrow at Christ the King. So, another dilemma!!! Will I go to Tagaytay or to Christ the King? The good thing in going to Tagaytay is that you will have more time to spend with your family. Gosh!!! It's so hard. Comment this post and tell me what you guys think alright? Ok. So I have to go now. Its 3PM and I have to be at ICC at 4PM. Have to go! Bye!!!

Mission Impossible?!

2006-05-06T10:16:00.000+08:00

So. Last night/this morning, I had a bonding session with one of my friends and we pretty much opened up about everything. We talked about some controversies surrounding her, and we talked about some things about me that some people don't know about. And we became ssssoooo into the topic about this person that she likes/liked [I don't really know her state with him right now :D]. It seemed that they had their own teleserye story with each other. The guy liked her and she was not ready and now the guy moves on when the girl is already ready. Its another typical story of two love birds. Hmmm.. so what is the ending of the story? ~~Does the girl move on also~~ or does he still has feelings for her and they end up together? That's what the mission is for this summer.

MISSION: to know if the guy still likes/loves her and to show it to her in a romantic way.

Wow! This story kinda reminds me of our ups and downs with you-know-who. We had such a similar story. And I really know that this story will end up just like ours. Its really true that the guy still has feelings for the girl because even though the girl didn't answer him, there's still some thing in his heart that is about you. When you hear their love story, it's really very touching and you'll really feel that they were meant for each other. I hope everything turns out great one's I tell him all about it. I had her hopes up for him and I'll really try my best to get them back together. "Love can really make you do things that you will regret." And you can prove that with their story. It kinda brings back the memories. Hehehe Alright, I have to go. I'll post again later. Bye!!!

Summer Dilemma

2006-05-05T20:13:00.000+08:00

This summer has its own ups and downs. And for the past few days, I have been thinking about some things that I said before. Let's start. At the start of the Summer Enrichment Program, there was this day dedicated to get to meet your classmates. So, there was this introduction. He told us to state our name, nickname, age, school, and say if we are taken or not taken. I was shocked actually when I heard this and I really don't know what to say. I was really going back and fourth about it and I decided to say "not taken". It took me a long time for this to sink in. If I would have said that I was taken [which is true], then people would really come up and tease about it. So I think that I did the right thing even though its not really the truth. I don't want to be given the impression as "the boy who has a girlfriend". It's not because I am not proud of her. It's just that I wanted to be known as a student, not as someone who is in a relationship. I wanted to be known behind my own personal life.

And another dilemma happened during my Chem class. Before the lesson started, it was probably a way to check attendance, you must tell the first name of your girlfriend or a person that you are courting. Another big dilemma for me. I really don't know if it's the right time to tell the people especially some of my classmates in SEP are my actual classmates during the school year. Its not the right time! I told myself and I told them, "none". Part of me wanted to say her name because I loved her and some of my classmates know about her. I really don't know what will come out next. I have some regrets about telling those lies about me but I must learn to know when is the right time and I guess, it's not.

New Blog!!! again...?!

2006-05-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

Probably the only reason why I left blogspot is because it took me a long time to load the posting page. Now that I have DSL [yes!] then I have no problem loading it. And since I'm working with a new blog, I'm still using an old template that blogspot has. So this is probably the reason why I haven't announced the site yet. Its tooo simple. Just wait until I make my own version alright? Its already 12MM and I have to go. This is actually my last thing to do before I sleep. So see you guys around. Ayt?! Bye!!!!

How and When will YOU die?
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Die on	September 18, 2088
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