Saturday, June 17

Friends

I am not your friend. Friends come and go, and I definitely won't do that to you. I guess we are more than friends or even best friends. We are more than that, and I never ever want you to be telling people that we are friends. Cause I'm not. Even though we will be thousands and thousands miles apart, we will still continue what we have. I'm not you friend but I'm your.......

- Star Jimenez

I just remember, just less than a week ago, Star told me that same line. The message was a lot longer than that. It's just a part of her e-mail that she sent me when she left. I guess she was at the airplane during that time. If you guys want to know the continuation of that line, don't bother asking me! I really miss Star so much. She's the best "friend" I ever had. With the exception of Paula and Matti, Star is just the one that I consider as the "love of my life." She makes me happy when I'm sad. She helps me with problems. She is the person I tell my secrets to. It's just something that I have got to live with. She's gone and I'm looking for another Star to share stories and secrets about me, my life, my relationship, everything.

Just recently, not really long ago, we had this outing. And I got to meet a person much like myself; troubled, depressed with love, etc. He began opening up to me. He started sharing things that have been going on in his life. Then, I started telling things about myself, just to even out everything. And we made this pact that we won't tell each other's secrets. But, you know, this pact wasn't strong enough. Though he actually didn't tell my friend about this specific story that I told him, it still hurts because there's this thing as "jokes are half meant." Once he "foolishly" acted telling my friend about the story, I felt the lost of trust. But, still, I have to remember, I shouldn't be telling these sensitive issues to other people. There is no one like Star. She's just a hidden treasure chest. Whatever you say, she'll just keep it to herself. I guess she's just one in a million. But oh, well. Life has got to go on like usual.

I know I do the same thing to him. I tried to act out that I told my friend about a story about him. But, it's not as personal as this one. It's totally personal and that my friend was involved in the story. It isin't the right time. I realized that. It's definitely not the right time. I should fix my relationship first before I tell my friend the story. That's how personal it is. And to those who actually get the story already, you will know how personal it really is.

I hope that this thing will be over. I'm not really mad at him. He's just... something. He thinks I'm mad at him, I'm not. It's just, I can't talk to someone after that same person did something so foul that I was hurt by that. So, I'm sorry whoever you are. I hope you get to read this post. It's nothing against you. I'm just telling how I feel. And probably, you know how personal it means to me.

I have to go guys, we have to sing tomorrow. See you! I'll post something tomorrow as well. Bye!!!