Tuesday, July 25
Story of the Lost Lonely Boy
You don't know a lot about this Lost Lonely Boy. It has been 16 years when I was born. I live in a small townhouse with my parents and a few relatives. I am not the average only-son person, I am much MUCH different.
I was the only son and was born in a stormy weather. They decided to call me Ryan; the combination of my parents' names. I was a miracle baby in a sense that at the age of my parents when they had me. After me, it was impossible to have kids so I was raised alone. I lived a lonely life. I had my own room when I was in the 4th Grade and I stayed there ever since. I barely leave my room. I'm not the social type of person. I'm shy and I don't really talk to people. I was raised as a reserved, quiet person. I leave my room only when I had to take a bath or eat. I don't hang around with my familiy that much. My dad, he works in the Horse Racing business and he comes home late. My mom, from an army family, she works as a teacher in pre-school. I don't talk to people. I don't have that much friends. It was all the same until I reached Middle School.
Middle School was a different world, a world that would eat you alive. If you are not emotionally stable, then you would be breaking down each and everyday. That happened to me when I first stepped in Middle School. I was afraid. But then, I started to have some friends and allies. People started to get to know me, for a change. I started hanging around with different friends and I have seen the different diversities in school.
There's this song: First Day High and it talks about the different groups in school and asks you what group are you from. I began to realize, I don't know what group am I. I've been switching groups for 3 years. I've been with the geeks, the jocks, the who-knows-whats, the feelings, the popular, the outcasts, the invisible ones. Its seems like I've been through all of it. I never really been permanently in a group. I don't want to be labeled for that matter.
One year left to go in Grade School and I have drastically changed. From a quiet simple child to a grown-up teen, I have been hit with the love bug. I met a girl, she was from Miriam Grade School. We met at a simple party before and we became friends ever since. Days and months passed and I felt different about her and one night, I decided to let all my feelings out. I told her about how I felt for her and that I liked her but not just the ordinary like but the "LIKE" kind. Well, I really didn't tell it to her personally but through text. She then made a reply: "Ok. I promise, I will NOT IGNORE you." I was so glad and I felt like I didn't make the wrong choice. The next day, I texted her and she told me that she's leaving town and that it was so far away that she won't recieve any more messages and that I can't text her anymore. After a few days, I found out she didn't leave and when I texted her, she completely ignored me. I did the same thing over and over again but she now is ignoring me. Then I felt that telling her how I feel is not the right choice. I was really hurt and depressed for a long time and it felt like it was the end of the world.
Grade 7 has been such a mirror for my personality. Another thing happened to me during this year. I've actually been with the Mirian GS Varsity VOlleyball team. We got to play with each other for 2 games and we got to talk and be close with each other. I met a lot of players from the team and we got to be pretty close. After months of getting to know them, I found out about someone having to like me or something. Thanks to her friends who told me the news, I suddenly felt that I should not be talking with them anymore. It seemed like I wasn't ready to talk to them. They called me a lot and I rejected their calls. Then I realized how stupid I was to do that. I know what it feels to be rejected. I know what it is like to be snobbed around. I also felt the hurt of being rejected. And to be so dumb to do that to a nice person wasn't the right choice. I know it was a big mistake and I probably regret it now. It wasn't the right thing to do and I'm sorry to whoever that was. You know me, you know that it wasn't like me to be doing such crap. You guys were good to me, you were probably the only ones who don't do what the other Miriam girls do. You were understanding and thoughtful and I am sorry for what I have done and I plan to make it up someday.
High School was different from all the emotions and drama that I have suffered in Grade School. It seemed that I was left alone. There was no one to guide me. ANd let me start by telling my life as a freshman.
For the first time in my life, I have never felt in love this much. I know about what happened to me before and I don't want that to happen again but she was different. Her name was Paula Soriano. She's also in 1st Year and one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. It seems like we were inseparable. School was not that hard because I had her as one of my inspirations. She's different in a sense that she was so sweet. I thought that we would just be friends until one day, she called up and told me all the good things that happened in our friendship. Things that were unforgettable like the time where we were in a party and we talked together, just the two of us. We talked a lot. We shared our own life. And then I noticed how big our relationship was compared to other people and then. The moment came. And everything else was a fairy tale turned into a reality. It was different, falling in love again and not being rejected. It was a hard leap and of course, it was all worth it. It seems that this fairy tale has ended, but as to all stories, they have sequels.
One year passed when Paula and I had been "friends" and it seems that nothing can put us apart. Except for her family. You see, Paula's dad works at an international company and as bad as the timing is, they had to move again. I knew all about it months ago and I never thought that it would never happen. Guess I thought wrong. The day before she left, I gave her this note telling her how much she meant to me and how big of a person I have changed because of her. But as to all good things come to an end and our relationship had to end. It was hard for me to write that letter and it was a pain as I wrote every word on that note and how many tears dropped when the letter was given. I remember it clearly. It was a night I won't forget. It was raining, as to all of my days. Rain. Such a big part of my life. I got to move on. Because everytime it rains, it brings a brand new day and a rainbow that will lead a path for you.
It took me months to move on and forget her. She was different. And so was I. Before I entered Second Year, I met Matti (Maria Antoinette) Zamora Espinosa. She was a simple, nice, polite young girl. I am older by a year, she's was in 1st year, I was a sophomore. I was entrigued by her because she had funny initials, it spelled out as M.A.Z.E. and that was how everything started. I learned about her twists and turns and it seemed that her life was in a maze, just like mine. A maze that was filled with traps, obstacles and dead ends. But eventually, like every maze, there's a way out. We became the best of friends and I actually was afraid at first... committing myself again. It's hard to forget about me and Paula and how things ended and how I felt when it was over. So, I really hesitated at first until a friend named Star Jimenez told me, "Follow your heart, and your dreams will lead your way." This was so special for me and I won't forget that quote. It was an important time for that and in the end. We became.... together.
It's been 15 months and we had our rough times. There was rain on my birth, a sign of depression and hopelessness. There was M.A.Z.E. a sign of triumph in obstacles. We are opposites and together we became compatible for each other. For every rain drop that falls to the ground, today, in my special day, the day that I was born, I'll try to remember each person who has changed my life and made life better for me. I have had a lot of friends and they have helped me trough the worst of times and they shared my joy through the best of times. I wish, for my birthday, that I won't be the Lost Lonely Boy, but the One who surpassed all tribulations that came my way and finally, I would find the light in the maze; to find the success of all my hardships. I will see, in the end, the glory that I have been waiting for.... because it is really my fairy tale and there should be a happy ending!