Sunday, September 3

Recovery

After every heartace that goes on, there's always a time wherein you recover from every bad thing that happened to you. There is always a chance where you can heal and step back up. So? What happened today? Nothing pretty much. I woke up from a 10-hour sleep for the second time in a row. So, this is my healing from the late nights of not sleeping. Then I went to mass. What did I pray about? Hmm... Light. Signs. And a peace in my mind. I need light to lead me the way because as of now, I don't really know where I am heading. So, I really am not sure which roads to travel. I also need light to help me recover from a horrible practice day last time. Signs. I need signs about me continuing the choir. As of now, I'm still leaning towards quitting but after what happened today, I became more confused. A peace of mind. This has been the one that I have been wishing for the past few weeks. Each night, before I go to sleep, I always wished that everything will be peaceful. I wish that there will be no more problems when I wake up. I wish that there will be no more hurt everytime I show myself to people. I wanted to have a day wherein I don't get into a fight or scream or get mad at someone. I just wanted everything to be peaceful. No more problems. Such a great feat right?

So, after mass. I had a chance to sleep and relax before the dress rehearsals for the concert. Being totally terrified after what happened yesterday, I sought for techiques from a friend who is coincidentally in a choir as well. He gave me a lot of useful tips. I even used one as soon as I went offline. Then, I practiced some vocalization songs in the computer and the audio Sir Jude gave me. So, ready? Not yet. I have to relax a lot. Stress affected my voice according to my friend. And that is really true. Because of stress, I lost confidence in myself. And with all that has been going through my mind lately, I wanted everything to end. I hurriedly dressed up and made all the preparations needed before I left the house.

I arrived the UST Museum pretty much early. And as soon as I went in, I saw the you-know-who person and really acted as if nothing really happened. We had some hi's and hello's but that was pretty much it. I was pretty much the odd man out in the side of the Tenors. All of them were pretty good, except for me. Julio and Raymond and surprisingly, Dominic was there. Hehehehe. It is so akward to see them again. So, blockings in the positions in the museum were made then the actual singing was done already.

We sat for hours in the bench eagerly waiting for our turn wearing the barong which was pretty hot I might say. But since the place was air conditioned, I felt fine. the rest of the boys who were not singing were in one place watching them sing. It was like a pre-concert thing. There were pictorials while singing. There were tape recordings and there were even timings made. So, it was pretty much the real thing except for the people. While sitting down, it was the second part of the repertoire (and we were basically in the last part) and they sang some songs that were really touching. And I remembered a lot about what has happened recently.

It was probably like a reflection time for me thinking about the happenings and what should be done right and what is there to do to make amends in stuff. So, this was a little like a recovery in a sense that I get to know more about what I should do about stuff going on. It may be a little unclear for you guys and it is really hard to explain such things going on. I decided to stay all alone and be with myself for a while. But eventually, I got to talk to you-know-who. We shared some jokes and really had a great time despite what happened. Its as if nothing happened... which is the thing that I wanted that person to realize.

Then its our time to perform. The thing that I had to do was to clear my mind. And forget for just a few minutes everything that has been going on lately. I wanted to forget all the troubles and have confidence in myself. I know I can do it. And what happened? I sang my heart out. My voice may not be that loud as compared to the others. I really don't want to ruin the choir so I didn't really increase the volume but I really reached the notes as much as I can. And I really did alright. I think that they didn't hear me but I didn't miss a note. I guess that tip by my friend really paid off. So, I really am so happy by the end of the day.

Just to fast forward the day...... I made Matti a new blog site which I hope she promises to update everyday. It's my simple birthday gift for her. I also got to watch the Philippine Idol and Pinoy Dream Academy. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe, some exam results will be out already. I am so scared. And I know that tomorrow will be a bad day for me but still. I really hope that whatever the outcome of the exams, I will just tell myself that I did everything that I could do to have a good score and hopefully, if ever I fail, I will be able to recover. That has been pretty much the theme of the entire post so far. I wish to end this already. It is too long! Hope someone read it. See you soon! Bye!