Monday, October 16

Tatooed on My Mind

I can't study unless I don't have any feelings left so I have to pour everything out here.

For the past few days I have been so emotional about the volleyball team and stuff. But there have been somethings going on during the past few days that really made me want to cry the whole day.

Yeah I know not playing in the UAAP is depressing but there are still things far worse than that. Something went on a while ago that I tried to forget. When I arrived from the school, I heard that a friend of mine has found a "soulmate", I should say, during one of the events in the school. I don't know the name of that person, I haven't seen that person too. I'm so sad that my friend has forgotten everything that we went through. That friend of mine does not "remember" that I have feelings for her.

Its been weeks since we actually became very close to each other. We would text each other everyday and I would tell a lot of secrets about myself and about my crushes and stuff. We became closer and closer everyday. We would even sometimes hug when we walk and sometimes I would put my arms around her (:D) How sweet! I guess that's enough hints to tell her that I like her. But now, everything has changed. She kept on telling me how much she likes this guy she met and how sweet he is and stuff. She even asked me if she should call him and talk on the phone.

Well, in the first place, we aren't even "we". We are not together so why should I be so mad to her? I guess she sees me as a friend only. Probably, when relating to One Tree Hill, I'm Mouth.. just everybody's "Great Friend"... nothing more. It's so painful to think about it. I just feel so sad and it all happened so sudden. I didn't even have the guts to talk about what is going on between them because everytime that he gets mentioned, I just feel so sad and I just want to cry. The truth is, I really like her and she feels really special to me.

I guess everything has changed. Nothing will be the same again. I just feel so stupid. I told myself never to fall in love again and now this. This is what I get for being to ignorant and too common. I want to be different. I want our friendship to be different.

BUT HOW?! I'M JUST A "GREAT FRIEND" AND NOTHING MORE. I DON'T WANT THINGS TO END BUT I GUESS, ITS SOMETHING THAT HAS GOT TO BE DONE. BUT JUST TO SET THE RECORDS STRAIGHT, I STILL LOVE YOU...