Review classes are over and I can be free again. My mom just lifted the Computer Ban but there's still a limit with the number of hours that I could use the computer. I really must be asleep right now but I have to get this out of my chest. Everyday I just ponder over this thing and I am having a hard time to keep it to myself.
Lately, I have been having these feelings for someone I know. And I've been pretty much been showing it when we are together and when we go out and stuff. I met her just recently. Just this month, I first saw her and we have been talking ever since then. We became really good friends. We became really close. Usually, people see us side-by-side. Yes, I have a crush on her but I'm just feeling scared.
After what happened in my last relationship, I'm really having second thoughts in going through another relationship over again. Let's just say that I'm not ready yet because I really felt the pain in that break-up. Being the rebound person in my ex's life, I am still confused in what I choose to do. Because before our relationship (my ex), she just broke up with someone and she probably just used me to make herself so happy again. So its like she just made herself happy in telling me how much she loves me etc etc and when she finally has moved on with her relationship, the one before ours, she left. I really don't want to feel hurt because of a relationship again.
When going to Juno's house after the Eastwood gimmick, Mico Suba told me, "Ui, wag mo naman sana siyang gawing rebound girl mo, ah." Then I thought to myself, am I ready for another relationship? To go through everything that I went through for the fourth time? I'm still having some thoughts about it and after what Mico said, that's the only time that it sinked in.
I am not yet ready to hurt her. I don't want her to feel sad. I'm so scared that there will be a time where I will realize that, "Oo nga pala, rebound girl ko nga lang pala siya." I really hope that won't happen. Because she is really so close to me. After what she's going through, I can't stand her doing something that I don't like when I hurt her. I'm scared about a lot of things. What happens if things don't work out well? I really don't want her to feel sad and depressed. Natatakot lang ako kung ano mangyari sa kanya kapag may masamang nangyari sa friendship namin. I'm so confused right now. I didn't bother to talk to her today because I'm pondering on a lot of things between us.
If ever something happens between the two of us, I'll assure you that I won't treat you as the "rebound-girl". I promise you that I'll try my best to make you happy; and you really know how sincere I am when it comes to promises. Yes, I like you but do you? And if ever you do too, do you think that there will be anything between us? I'm scared of hurting you. I really don't want to see you cry and sad again.
If nothing happens, I hope and pray to God that you stay really calm and don't do the stupid things that you did before. Because I am so confused right now. Will I continue what is happening between the two of us or not? Am I already ready to finally forget about my past relationship and start a new one with you? Right now, I'm torn. I really don't know what to choose. I like you but I don't know if you like me too. I'm scared that when something "more" happens between the two of us, I just might hurt you. I'm scared that when something bad happens, you would do something that I would regret for the rest of you life. These are just some of the things that are going through my mind right now.
If anyone could just give me an advice to put me in the right path, please do. I really am confused right now. Especially to my friends who knows what's happening in my life, please, I want to hear your voice. Tell me something that would make a decision. Anything. Please.